Coffeebration

I’m going for a walk. Perhaps I will never return. Maybe I will just walk off into the sunset and go wherever the happy people go when they walk off into the sunset. This will be goodbye because I assume that those who walk off into the sunset don’t end up back in their crummy apartments in a dirty ugly crapsack city. I just made up crapsack. Good word. Like crap in a sack, thats a great way to put it!

Oh you know I’m just kidding! I heart crapsack! Today I thought I would take a lunch break, something I haven’t done in like a month. I mean a REAL freaking lunch break, where I leave the building and do not return for a full hour … or two … or who is really counting anyways? Today I was gone approximately 1 hour and twenty minutes. When I returned I stomped and got the evil eyebrow face because I had not one, not two, not five … but nine messages for me. I don’t understand how the world can go to shit in less than an hour. GO.AWAY.WORLD.

Oh yeah, and I like diet pepsi now. I can’t even taste the diet taste anymore. However, diet coke is absolutely disgusting and it is flat. Diet Dr. Pepper is not too bad. I gave up the pop thing for a while, but now I say “eh, who cares about teeth!” Teeth are stupid anyways. I had a big black globule inbetween my two front teeth this morning. As I brushed my teeth, a whole bunch of blood started coming out. Moldy gingavitis! I just totally guessed on how to spell that, and I am not all about spell checking this entry.

Anyways, I am going for a walk. Then I might come home. I might stop at the grocery store and buy something for dinner …. or not. Hot cheetos and diet pepsi sound good, except for the heartburn. I really need a healthy meal … I have been eating either crap, yogurt, or nothing for days. I am pathetic but I don’t care. In fact I’m proud of how irresponsible I am when it comes to like eating good stuff and exercising …. but at least I’m not addicted to drugs, addicted to alcohol, in jail, or dead. Hey man, I’m proud … it runs in the family. I beat genetics!

I’m phoneless therefore handicapped. I left my charger in Easterland and I picked one up at RadioShack after work. I gave dumb ugly salesman my phone. Dumb ugly salesman ran away with it and brought me a charger. He hooked it up in the store and showed me that it worked because I was a bit skeptical. I brought it home. Plugged it in. Ten minutes later it made the shut off noise. It wouldn’t turn back on. It is dead. I looked up the igo universal charger number online. Dumb ugly man gave me the wrong one! RadioShack better give me a new phone or fix it or do something to restore the status of my once happy little Samsung or someone will be dead.

Lets see what else is new. Well, I hate my job. That isn’t new. Today we had the 34th meeting about getting a part-time assistant to help our department which most likely has no chance of ever happening. I’m tired of having meetings about it when nothing comes out of it. Another month will pass and someone will bitch about it again, bringing on another repeat of the month before. Not that I wouldn’t love the help. I could be much more efficient if I didn’t have 300 projects going on at once. I know I complain about everything, but I know I’m overworked and underpaid, and I am just sick of wasting even more time discussing the same thing over and over.

I’m sick of American Idol. The same people keep singing and sucking, and its just not fun anymore. I understand that it is a process to find the next big superstar, but come on … enough is enough. It is time for mass elimination. I don’t know why I watch it. It is on my default channel that stays on all day until Nick@Nite starts. FoxonIdol needs to die. Stop invading my television!

If anyone gets bored this week, you can go over to my landlord’s house, shove a stick of dynamite up his ass, and light it. Email me for his address. He is coming over and bringing his stupid furnace man to try to figure out why I have to keep my window open to avoid a heat stroke while the dude upstairs freezes. It doesn’t take a Rocket Scientist to figure out that basements are always warmer than upstairs places … especially if that is the location of the furnace. I know its just an excuse to bitch about something and invade my personal space. Die.

To sum it all up: Today sucked and its not my fault.

Easter is the holiday for people who believe that Jesus died, layed in a tomb for three days, and then rose on Sunday. There are also bunny rabbits and eggs and I honestly have no idea why. I don’t know what Santa Claus has to do with Christmas either.

For myself, being of no particular religion, Easter means going to visit my family, eating a lot of unhealthy food, gaining all the weight I lost, playing with cats, and watching television with my mom. Its a riot. In our family, like many families, holidays are nothing more than times of the year when the family gathers to spend time together. If not for holidays we would not see each other much. My parents claim to be atheists that want to be cremated so they don’t rot in the ground and get eaten by earthworms.

Growing up around this belief, you may see why I tend to be negative about many facets of life. Nothing we had to do was ever exciting. My parents enjoy sitting around and doing nothing day in and day out. Going somewhere is an inconvenience. Doing anything but breathing, eating, sleeping, or existing is going out of their way.

I am sort of that way, but not to the extent of my parents. I don’t really like change that much. I don’t think a relaxing vacation is a weekend of skiing on mountain slopes or bicycling from Pittsburgh to Washington DC. I like to sit on my butt and watch TV. I like to know what I am doing after work, and I don’t really want someone to call me up ask me to hang out because I already have my day planned out. “I’m doing nothing today, sorry I can’t hang out.” Anything that I see in my head as posing some type of inconvenience typically is not my idea of fun.

If you have a problem with that and thrive on being spontaneous and unorganized, then don’t talk to me or read my journal. If you think it is boring and I do nothing, then complain to my parents because today I am blaming them.

I am also pissed because there are no heterosexual men out there with blogs. Come on, why is it only girls? and gay men? Why? I want to read some real testosterone once in a while. And I would like to read one from someone who has a brain and a life … aka I do not care to hear about how drunk you got last night, how stupid you acted, how many girls you “could” have hooked up with, or how much of your parents money you wasted this week. Real men, real jobs, real lives … and I’m sick of the stupid male journals that only talk about their stupid babies and stupid wives …. that only post “cute” pictures of their “happy” families. I’m single, I like to hear about other single heterosexual males that are my age. Not because I want to marry you, just because I like to relate to people that have similar situations. Anyone out there?

The ant problem in this apartment is getting out of hand. First it was my kitchen. The ones in the kitchen were murdered by poisonous ant traps. Two days ago I saw two ants in my bathroom. I was a little concerned, but pretty much brushed it off thinking “eh two ants isn’t a big deal.” However, I came to learn that when there are two ants, there are a million more lurking around somewhere. Yesterday after work I noticed that there were at least 100 ants in my bathroom. What the hell is in the bathroom? I don’t eat, cook, or drop tasty crumbs in the bathroom. They were all just wandering around aimlessly. I took action with the ant killer trap and watched as thousands of ants marched to and from their nest, triumphantly taking the deadly poison to their queen who lives somewhere beneath my shower. This morning there were dead ants in my shower and I was half tempted to not shower because it was disgusting. But the ants are all dead now. They are no longer marching to and fro … the only visible ants left in my bathroom are dead ones. Now I must go clean the bathroom, dissolve their trail, and find something to block the entrance that they were using to invade my apartment.

I should sue those ants for psychological distress … or my landlord. Someone should take the blame for the nightmares I will have for at least the next week. The ants in the kitchen freaked me out so much that I dreamed about them for weeks. They were crawling on my face, in my clothes, coming out of my hair. I itched every night as I tried to go to sleep. Many times I jolted out of bed, switched on the light, and swore to god that there were ants in my bed. One night I completely tore apart my bed and scoured it for the little pests. They are ruining my life.

Please ants, go away and so I can sleep at night and stop my murdering. I doubt you mean much harm to me, but you can’t live here. And since you cannot understand the language of humans I must kill.

My website works now …. kind of. I installed another copy of movable type into the directory for the site, so now I’m not having the “merged blog” problem I was having before. Which I didn’t explain … the problem was that many things were still linking to my old site and the search feature was including both of my sites … and it was really annoying.

I spent way too much time trying to fix it by doing the same thing over and over. I guess I thought it might magically work if I just did it a certain number of times. I finally gave up that idea and installed another copy of movable type, which by the way, took me less than thirty minutes! That is fabulous compared to the nearly 9 hours it took me to install it the first time. I’m a guru now, so come to me …. I will charge you way less than sixapart does.

Anyways, here it is. It is coming along, so be patient. I really just want it to function. Although I did spend a lot of time making that beautiful coffee banner on the top of my page. And its all mine … I paid for the pictures.

I’m quite tired because I did not sleep too well last night, and I went hiking today in the mud. I’ll have the mass update coming up soon. Maybe tonight.

It is looking a little funky around here … I’m experimenting and the only way I will finish is if I just leave it all looking kind of crappy. Then when I look at it I will feel the urge to make it look nicer!

My hand is healing. The skin has fused and I want to rip out the stitches now! Six more days until I can get them out … however I think I will just remove them myself. It doesn’t look hard, and I hate hospitals … I can definitely take them out. I want them out because now I feel obliged to wear a bandaid at work and it gets all soggy and noodly after like 20 minutes and I’m going to have to declare bankruptcy from all these bandaids I’ve been buying.

I have a cold sore, its big .. I hate it. I should have asked the doctor to remove my lip while she had the surgical tools out last week. Oh gross, now I have something else unpleasant happening to my body … it just keeps getting better and better.

My department at work is planning a one day retreat to partake in next month. I want it to be fun, but people have some really weird ideas. A 1/2 day Yoga session followed by horse riding, tube sledding, or a self-defense class. Hello, I would rather sit on my butt and be at work. This stuff sounds painful! Just kidding – it actually seems kind of exciting, as long as it can be indoors. I’m not really outdoor winter sports girl. Especially because I’m guaranteed to either be deathly ill or have a nasty cold sore that day … and both prohibit playing outdoors in the snow.

Ouch. I suck. I have nothing to say.

First, lets pretend that I am a huge sports fan and that I understand football …. ok with that assumed – “Go Steelers!!” I got to see the last quarter of the game yeterday with Todd and it was quite exciting, I must say I was getting kind of nervous!!

And on to better things, like mangled hands and snow. While I was washing dishes yesterday, I came upon a dirty glass in the sink. I began to wash it with a sponge, however the cup was not happy about that. So instead of being a nice little cup, it became evil, it broke, and it stabbed me in my hand. Blood proceeded to pour out of my hand and make messes all over my floor as I ran around my house desperately trying to find something to put on my wound. I almost bled to death. Just kidding. I got some dandy stitches and lost like a pint of blood. And now I am sort of disabled because my left hand is kind of out of commission. And it hurts a bit, but I think my arm hurts more, which is where I was injected with a tetanus shot. Those are mighty painful. And since I can’t really type because my hand is bandaged, I think I must stop typing and go away.

I’m so freaking bored. Will someone come to my house and finish washing my dishes? GO STEELERS! OH yeah, welcome back winter … snow snow snow!

** UPDATE ** I’ve added a picture of my gross hand for your viewing pleasure. Here is the link … I didn’t want to put it right on the page, in case you didn’t want to click on my page and be scared by a bloody hand!