Up until two days ago I thought that I absolutely HAD to have lettuce on my sandwiches. I can’t just slap some lunchmeat between some bread and call it a sandwich. I need that extra crunch and something to absorb the vinegar and oil I’m bound to squirt all over it. But when I buy sandwich making ingredients I’m either forced to buy an entire head of lettuce or shredded lettuce in a tiny bag that usually costs twice as much as a whole head of lettuce. I usually buy the whole head, but then I’m compelled to eat salad every single day for the next week or let my surplus lettuce rot. So the other day when I went to the grocery store I decided that I was boycotting lettuce. Instead I chose to purchase a bag of coleslaw – the dry cabbage stuff. I knew that Primanti Bros. sandwiches were good so I decided to give the coleslaw a try on my ham and cheese sandwich. It is really like the best discovery of the year. I’m in love with crunchy cabbage and turkey / ham sandwiches. No more lettuce, ever. Oh and I bought swirly bread … the rye and pumpernickel. The best bread EVER. I’m so happy. Exciting stuff huh?
Elaborating on my last entry that was one sentence long goes kind of like this: I was doing ok despite everything, but one stupid thing happened and I contemplated walking outside with a sharp knife and stabbing the first annoying person to walk by …. I was getting over being sick and was up to my eyeballs in work the past two weeks because we are having a kick-off event to launch our new initiative (heh). We ordered, literally, thousands of shirts, maps, posters, stickers, and other promotional crap. On top of managing all of the incoming crap, we’re trying to plan an entire weeks worth of events and I just want it to be over. And then the day before yesterday I had a relapse or something, and now I have a sore throat, chills, and think I might have a touch of the flu. And missing work isn’t an option, really … I know my health comes first but if I’m not there things aren’t going to happen. Not to sound like I’m the president of the world, I’m not, but I can’t be sick right now. I’ve literally been running around like a chicken with my head cut off, not eating, not sleeping well, and I’m just burning out. But I was ok. I was just dealing with it and not getting too upset. I felt that I was in control.
THEN, the other morning I woke up and started my usual ritual of turning on the coffeemaker and jumping in the shower. No big deal. After my shower I dressed myself and headed back to the kitchen to retrieve my coffee. It was dark and I picked up the pot but it felt empty. I thought “crap, I forgot to put water in, I really must be losing my mind.” So I turned on the light and discovered that my coffee was all over the kitchen counter, soaked through a towel, and dripping onto the floor. I was mad but I really wanted coffee so I cleaned it all up and attempted to make the coffee again. Same thing started happening, total coffeemaker meltdown which in turn caused me to have a nervous breakdown …. and everything that had been making me nuts the past few weeks just started flooding in and I wanted to punch a wall or stab someone. It was seriously the worst day and I couldn’t even sum it up into one reason that I was mad. It was like having PMS, except worse. And it wasn’t withdrawal from coffee because I just stopped and got some on my way to work. It just set me off.
So, I’ve been pretty cranky due to the fact that I’ve been sick for like a month it seems and I’m overwhelmed at work. And then when I come home I don’t even have the luxury of being an alcoholic to drown my sorrows in. Instead I come home and drink another cup of coffee so I don’t pass out and get mad at myself when I wake up at 11pm, starving, too late to buy food, no food in the fridge … go back to sleep, wake up in the morning and do it all over again. Ughh. Sometimes its coffee, most times its the sleep. I just hate being sick. And I always feel 10x worse the minute I walk into my apartment. Perhaps there is poison here. I sound like a depressed loser, don’t I?
I don’t know why its always so hard to think of something good happening in my life. Well, there was the thing about the coleslaw and my tasty new bread. And due to circumstances that prevent me from eating, such as work, no food in the fridge, being too cheap to order food, and just the desire not to eat, I’ve lost 9 pounds in the past few weeks, which brings my new weight to six pounds below my beach weight. I gained three back after the beach because I stopped exercising and ate a lot of pizza. As of this morning I am now 134 pounds and quite proud of it. For some people that might be skinny, but when you are barely 5’3 and all of your extra weight likes to hang out in your stomach and butt, then its not so skinny. I don’t really have a target because I don’t remember ever feeling good about my weight, except for the time I went to the prom in 11th grade. I think I was around 120 pounds, so maybe that is the long term goal. I just have to stop eating pizza. I stopped eating french fries though – except when I went out with Julie, Nate & company last Friday. I had a huge plate of cheesy french-fries. I was having a really bad day though … so I indulged.
Today I interviewed someone, which I have done a few times before, but today it was weird because I was actually the one asking all the questions and I didn’t think it was going to be like that. After running around since 7:30 this morning, it was 11am before I knew it and I had an appointment with this kid from an agency that we recruit people from sometimes, kind of like internships for people with psychological problems who are really smart but can’t handle a regular job. The meeting was with the HR lady, myself, the kid, and the lady from the agency. Well I was pretty unprepared for the interview because people had been coming in all morning, so I ran upstairs and grabbed a job description I had written for the last person we were supposed to hire and ran off to the interview. So anyways, it was ok …. I liked him because he has computer skills which is like imperative where I work. He had been writing the newsletters for some place and went to college and got a degree in computers and art. I really need some relief upstairs because I’m working with three people in two different departments and planning events and just going nuts, but the stipulation to hiring someone is that I’m in charge of their work. This makes me sound like I have my own personal assistant, but if I really did … they would hire someone permanently and someone who doesn’t have special needs … oh and I’d make more money. But the fact that I’m being given enough credit to manage someone like that gives me some feeling of satisfaction. Anyways, its time consuming to train people and have them do things the way you want them done. Like, its almost easier if you just do it yourself. I just hope he’s a quick learner. But anyways, I’m excited about it. He’s starting on Monday.
It’s ok with me and don’t ask me why, but I’m really good at getting along and relating to people with these problems. Maybe its because I’m crazy myself – who knows … but I swear that people with schizophrenia or a similar disorder are pretty cool in my book. The last guy we had there had a disorder that was kind of schizophrenia but I don’t think he heard voices. He was just kind of paranoid and had a lot of worries and anxiety (hey, that’s me!) No … really it was obvious he was really nervous about everything. Anyways, everyone just treated him like he was a kid and talked down to him. Or they would be really fake when talking to him, and just because you have a mental problem does not mean you are retarded or that you are a moron! He knew he was being talked down to and I just think its rude. You don’t have to pretend that a problem does not exist with someone like that. I liked to talk to him about his feelings and I tried to relate, which in many cases I could. He had gone to Princeton and was really intelligent, but sadly I don’t think that anyone even knew that.
Anyways, I’m going to end my ranting. That’s a summary of what is going on in my ever so exciting life. I’m just happy its the weekend. Goodbye.
