Coffeebration

Oh where oh where is Natalee Holloway? Many posters on Scared Monkeys are now seriously speculating that a weird Pagan religious group witnessed what happened to Natalee one month ago, but will not go to authorities because the cops are “dirty”. Instead, someone calling himself “Shango” is leaving poetic clues and people are lining up to translate this crap into meaningful clues ….. give me a break. Of course I will look stupid if this turns out to be true, but seriously …. seems a bit far-fetched. I’ve watched “On the Record” with Greta VanSusteren every single night for weeks … and nothing really makes sense. I don’t think anyone really knows how she just disappeared into thin air. I have some theories, but I really don’t think the Pagan group is sending the Scared Monkeys clues. Way too bizarre. And I could go on for days about this and other current events, but I’m tired from my crazy night – saving it for another post. So goodnight.

Whoo yahoo, stormy storms everywhere. Guess who isn’t going to the laundromat tonight as planned? Instead it will be coffee and pizza …. cleaning my apartment and putting on a new layer of bug death spray everywhere. Something was flying in my apartment the other day and I did not like that. In addition, I almost had a heart attack when I jumped into the shower the other morning and found out that I wasn’t alone! Huge ass daddy long-legs spider was desperately trying to escape the water. I jumped out and screamed and then used a flip flop to push him down the drain. I just started singing the “Itsy bitsy spider song” in my head.

I have 960 emails in my inbox. Greater power, please help me. I need someone to do a massive overhaul of everything in my life. I wish paper was illegal. I also wish pointless emails were illegal. Emails need to be regulated by the government so that each person should only be allowed to send 2 emails per day to the same person. If this rule is broken, sender will be thrown into a pit of molten lava.

Ok, I’m not happy to say ….. 20 minutes has now lapsed and I have 847 emails in my inbox. It is like a lost cause. I don’t know where to begin. I know I need to save the attachments on some of them, forward some, put some in folders …… what to do. I know, I’m going home.

Hurrah, I got a raise at work today. News of more money made my headache disappear. It is not much, but I’ll take it. It is better than nothing. In other unrelated news …. not much. I’m feeling pretty insignificant today. Maybe my eyes are two different colors, or I just don’t exist. Maybe both. Wow, two updates in one day. I’m on a roll. Better end this before I get carried away. Bye.

Guess what. I don’t sleep in my bed. Ever. I don’t use my bedroom at all unless somone stays over, and in that case I sleep in my bed. I used to like my bedroom, but lately I’ve been having bedroom anxiety. My entire apartment is kind of escape-routless … but especially my bedroom. No door to the outside world, no windows, no way to escape. Should I wake up in the middle of the night to flames shooting towards me on my couch, I could probably hop on top of the couch and wedge myself out of the half window that is there.

I also have less nightmares on my couch. Maybe my bed is possessed with an evil nightmare spirit. If so, he attacked my couch last night. I’m not going to go on and on, but last night I had the worst dream. I was dead but nobody knew. Everyone could see me and I looked normal, but day by day I was rotting and getting weaker. Todd knew. He said I had to take a shower because I smelled. But I had just taken a shower! And even though I kept showering, I was still greasy and stinky looking. And my hair was falling out in clumps. I don’t know how I died, but I was dead. And I was completely freaked out and praying and praying that I was dreaming and I would wake up. Then I realized it wasn’t a dream. It had been days and nobody could have a dream that lasted for days. Then I woke up on my couch at 6:30 am and still didn’t know if it was a dream. Anyways, I didn’t go back to sleep.

Are nightmares bad for your health? I mean, I had to be totally freaking out with my heart pounding rapidly. Do you think it is possible to have a dream that is so scary that you die from it? I know it is possible to die from fear, I think. I’m fearful of dreams like that.

I also have a massive headache today, which isn’t helping me feel better about my bad dream. Work is sucking today too. I need to do laundry sometime before my apartment starts to rot from having too much dirty laundry in it. I’m not disgusting, really.

I’m going to the family this weekend to watch parades and go to yard sales. Hopefully sleeping in a nice air conditioned room with a bed … and windows. That will be nice.

Yesterday I came home from work, opened my screen door to access my big door ….. and a poor little sparrow had been trapped between the doors. No idea how it happened, but it flew right at me … centimeters from hitting smack dab into my face. It scared the hell out of me and I nearly lost my balance and fell on my bum! Anyways, it really freaked me out and my heart was beating pretty fast for a few minutes. Funny how much a little innocent bird can really shake you up!

Anyways, happy to say my email and computer is working fine again. And I finally set up [email protected] for those who don’t have my email address. I’m using MS Outlook now and I can have like 1,000 email addresses come to my inbox if I want. So send to me anywhere you like … and I’ll get it! Now the only challenge is … can I set up my work email through Outlook? Not that I’d want to because I hate work and the fact that I could easily read my work email without connecting to a remote thingie would probably deter me from EVER opening MS Outlook. If I can’t see it, its not there! Woohoo!

I have a headache and want to cook some chicken cabbage soup. Would someone like to go to the grocery store and shop for me? Please.

Bye.

Here is my rant and rave for the next few days. My computer had a heart attack on Saturday. There was a storm and the power went out …. and afterwards the computer would not start windows. Thanks to the nifty diagnostics CD that came with my computer I was able to determine that several sectors of my hard-drive were damaged or corrupt. I don’t know if I will be able to retrieve any of it after obtaining a new hard-drive because I don’t know if the hard-drive is damaged to the point that it will not be recognized at all which is the case now as the only/primary hard-drive on the computer.

Please call me and serenade me …. I’m lost without my computer at home. If I did not have a warranty on my infant three month computer, I would have already gone to the store, bought a new hard-drive, and reinstalled windows …. but Dell is going to send a Cuban refugee to my house to intall a new free one. If he is as smart as all of Dell’s customer support representatives, he’ll probably throw my hard-drive in my toilet and say “Computer fixed lady bye bye now”. I sure hope so. My computer was supposed to get fixed yesterday since I had a scheduled appointment, but nobody bothered to call me and tell me that the hard-drive hadn’t been shipped to their company yet. I was quite excited that they expected me to sit in my house all day anticipating nothing. Actually I think it was really rude. I had to call them and nobody knew what was going on. I’m just lucky I had yesterday off of work. I mean if I had actually taken time off of work for this and had nobody call or show up …. I would have been 10x more mad and I was pretty mad already so …. I might have cut something or someone closeby.

My advice: Don’t buy Dell Warranties. Unless you like having no computer for long amounts of time …. and non-English speaking customer service representatives. And a company that REFUSES to directly contact their technicians that they outsource. All around BAD BAD service.

I’m glad my warranty was free. When they call to ask me to extend it, I’m going to let them know why I wouldn’t even consider buying a pen from them! Ughh. They’d probably ship it from Madagascar and without any ink in it. And in order to get a replacement pen I’d have to learn Japanese. And after all of that they would claim my replacement pen was lost in the Bermuda Triangle.

Anyways I have a sunburn really bad and it sucks. I was unable to eat or move for two days and it sucked too. So I haven’t been in such a good mood anyways. Today is back to work – fun fun. See ya later.

Wow, I just had a craving for an ice cold beer. I usually don’t feel like this until the HOT months of August. Well, its HOT outside! I think its ruining my walking plan. Now I walk like 12 inches and give up. I need a large private swimming pool. I guess I could go to one of the public pools but I fear it would be filled with children and children annoy me. How about an adult only pool? Anyone ever think that us grown-ups like to swim amongst our peers!

This week is going truckin’ along and this weekend better be nice. I have a long ass weekend coming up since I have Monday and Tuesday off. Paid vacation for a non-Christian Holiday. I want to get some sun this weekend … not a lot though because I don’t want to look like scary barbie. Today at work the tanning-bed ho was wearing bright pink pants and some weird shirt. Her face looked like a nectarine. She walked past me once in a haste today and I literally almost jumped out of my skin. SCARY!!

I’m getting tired of email. I wish it was never invented because I would not know what I was missing if I never had it, and its just causing me a huge headache. My email at work has been malfunctioning for the last week +. It doesn’t really like to send or receive anything unless its going to/coming from inside the building. This tends to happen constantly and our email people don’t know how to fix it. So now I have a yahoo email account and yahoo messenger so I get popups when I get emails. If I don’t do that there is no way I will remember to check it. My home email was working for a while but now its corrupt again. I think I’m going to try to use Microsoft Outlook for my email now since I’m sure its much better than Outlook Express. At work we use a gay email program called Groupwise and it sucks. I can’t check like four different email accounts per day. I think I’m just going to ban email.

I had this idea and I thought I’d get it out there before someone invents it. This idea was originated because I hate my debit card. It wears out too quickly and I have to pay for a new one. Cashiers often have to put a plastic grocery bag over my card in order for it to swipe. Anyways, onto my brilliant idea: lets get rid of cards altogether. My new invention is called “fingerprinting”. When you go to the store, you just stick your finger on a pad and they say “debit or credit?” You can have all of your account numbers linked to your fingerprint! And say you have a visa debit card, a mastercard, and an American Express. Well, you have ten fingers! As long as you don’t have more than ten accounts, it shouldn’t be a problem. Same for ATM machines. And online purchases …. well I haven’t completely figured that one out. Maybe they could invent a fingerprint pad that sends information from your finger into the computer. The only con I can think of is that psychos would kidnap people and cut their fingers off. Instead of purse snatchers, body snatchers would evolve. That would kind of suck. I don’t want to fear for my fingers when I walk the streets. But other than that, I think its a great idea!

I really have nothing else intelligent or meaningful to talk about so I’m signing off. Maybe I’ll brave the heat for a walk in the park.

I fixed my mysterious email problem today after not receiving any emails since May 23. For anyone who cares, I set up a new identity on Outlook Express and it began importing the last thirty days of emails off of my server. However, it stopped at the exact same email again … not letting me get any emails past May 23. So I thought maybe it was a corrupt email or something. I logged onto my server and deleted the junk emails from the 24th and 25th … and that did it. I opened Outlook Express again and all of my emails came pouring in.

Anyways its Saturday and I’m going to play outside. Have a nice day and send me something sexy.