Coffeebration

Cause …
You don’t know how it feels
You don’t know how it feels to be me

And I think you’re cool.

I just ate the biggest pretzel in the world tonight! Check it out :). Oh, and I drank Oktobefest beer. And it wasn’t yellow. And was still good. I’m in love with you pretzel.

For the first time in like a month, I’m home on my lunch break. I haven’t lost the passion of coming home for lunch where there is nothing to eat or drink in my refrigerator, I’ve just been too busy to take a lunch break at work. Although my job isn’t physically exhausting, sometimes I think my brain is going to melt. And then I wonder why I come home from work with little motivation to do anything but stare at the television. Sometimes I just want to hide inside because I feel that if I run into one more conflict in the course of the day I’m going to explode. Like the coffeemaker incident. But I’m happy. The kid that is working under my wing is wonderful. I was so impressed today, I wanted to hug him. He’s fixing my rolodex. See, I ordered one back in the day but never had time to actually put anything in it. I’ve been collecting information on post-its and I have a rubberband around my old rolodex cards, but I’ve never had time. Today he started the “someone needs a rolodex” project and I’m loving it. I will finally be able to have the contact information that I desparately need right at my fingertips. Instead of filtering my email to find someone’s address or phone number, its going to be right there! And I went out for coffee and when I came back he said “Don’t get mad if you look over and see me surfing the internet, but some of these places I can find online and you don’t have the complete information written down.” OH my God, I wanted to kiss him. Why can’t everyone I work with be smart enough to take the initiative to find things!

So Hurricane Rita is officially a category five hurricane and I’ve heard on the news that it could be as devastating to Texas as it was to Mississippi. I’m feeling pretty sad about all of it. I think its set to hit Texas on Saturday. The almighty media has also proclaimed that this hurricane will hike the gas prices back up to over $3 a gallon, but shouldn’t last too long. In Pittsburgh terms, this probably means gas prices will go back up to at least $3.20 and since I haven’t seen anywhere recently with gas under $2.79 its not good news. I researched gas prices around the country and it seems like the northeast has the highest prices. Texas, California, Florida … gas is all like $2.39 there. Although I don’t drive and shouldn’t complain about gas prices, I’m sure it is affecting me in some way. I never seem to have money anymore. I don’t know where it is all going. Maybe its coffee. I also heard that coffee has gone up a lot since Hurricane Katrina and will continue to rise after Hurricane Rita. This can’t be good. To me, coffee equals gas. I can’t live without it, and I can’t go to work without it. If I do not have coffee, I cannot get out of bed. Its pathetic and I’m not trying to brag about my patheticness, I just need caffeine and I don’t really think its hurting me that much. I don’t need gallons of it actually. If I have one sip its like I’ve been recharged. I’m good to go. Some days I need more than others, but life is tough. Coffee is makes it easier.

I spoke to my parents the other day. They’re funny. My mom is awesome and gives me such good advice. She makes me feel like I’m doing the right things which makes it much easier when I’m constantly questioning myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing something or not doing something and its going to end up being the biggest regret of my life. My mom totally puts these thoughts right out of my head. I swear, without my mom and grandma, I’d be a mess right now. Then there is my dad. I think he needs some Prozac or something. He rants to no end about fleas. He won’t stop. And then he says that my mom is a crackhead and gives him absolutely no support whatsoever on anything and ignores the fact that he is having a nervous breakdown. Ok, I’m not taking sides. I love my mom and dad the same. I know neither of them are perfect but they refuse to compromise. My dad could be less spazzed about everything and maybe my mom could be more supportive about his nervous breakdown resulting from fleas in the house, but seriously …. its all just a bit ridiculous. They’ve been living together for 24 years now and you’d think that they’d be able to deal with something as insignificant as freaking fleas in the house. Come on. My mom needs to stop ignoring the fact that there is a problem and try to be helpful in bathing the cats, washing bedsheets, vacuuming, etc … and I think my dad just needs to chill out. He keeps telling me he is going to slit their throats and burn down the house and don’t be surprised when it is a headline in the newspaper. Be rational …. I’ve been told in the past that I do not react rationally to stupid problems I have, but I’m working on it. I’m calmer. I am NEVER going to turn into a spaz. I freakin’ refuse. I can’t and I won’t. I also refuse to be my mother. She sits around the kitchen table all day and draws pictures on cards, watching TV, sipping on her drink of choice, and the house could be burning down and she wouldn’t notice it because she notices nothing and nothing is ever a problem. They are such complete opposites and I cannot figure out how they can even live together. I think they’ve been great role models! They’ve taught me that being insane is ridiculous so my goal is to not be like either of them … even though I love them SO much and I hope my kids love me the same way someday no matter what I’m like. Maybe I’ve just gotten a bit of each of them in me, so I’m kind of in the middle – not a complete spaz, but not ignorant of the fact that problems exist and there is a world outside of the pink kitchen and glitter pens.
Oh parents, what would I do without you? 😛

I feel boring lately. I have no news to tell the world and everything is the same as it was yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that. Days are starting to blend together because they are so much the same. Recently I started to believe that I was having memory problems because I couldn’t even recall what I had done yesterday, let alone one week ago. But really I think it is because I really didn’t do anything. If I led an exciting life, filled with scary trolls, secret gardens, crazy bars, and labrynth mazes, I’d have lots of stories to tell and and some ambition to remember what I did. Ughh. I have nobody to talk to. I’m just so damn bored right now I could scream. I would message someone on IM but I have nothing to talk about. And I never message anyone anyways because I always feel like I’m bothering someone. I just usually wait for someone to come to me. I’m actually never busy, so it works out quite well. Except that I may be giving out the message that I’m not interested or only talking to be nice, but really …. if more people would call me or message me, or send me an email …. or leave a freakin’ comment on my website, maybe I’d gain some self esteem on the matter. Well I think Julie is probably the only person who reads this and leaves comments. Maybe some random people from Pgh bloggers .. and thats about it. I know someone else who reads it, but doesn’t leave comments, which is fine because he only mentions my website when I write something he disapproves of anyways. There is such a thing as positive feedback but it doesn’t matter anyways. I’m just feeling sorry for myself today. No reason really. I’m going to sit here some more. Maybe I’ll hop on my exercise bike that hurts my ass. I just ate pepperoni pizza and I feel like a tub of lard. I hate exercising though. I wish good food wasn’t so bad for you. Why can’t carrot sticks and potato chips switch places? Not that I eat potato chips often, but if they had the nutritional value of carrots, I’d live on them. They are so tasty.

So some guy requested to be my friend on MySpace … I haven’t repsonded but I’ve chosen to steal one of his blog entries and post it here. No harm, my website isn’t linked to MySpace and I’m not going to give away anyone’s identity. This just really struck me. I read it twice and realized that if this guy was real, I’d marry him tomorrow. But after reading some other things he wrote, I realized he must have stolen this from some girl because only a girl could know that this describes the perfect man. Men just aren’t this smart.

a guy…..

who can wrestle with you and let you win

who you can talk to about anything

who laughs at your jokes

who puts your cold hands in his warm hoodie pockets

who lets you use his sweatshirt for a pillow

who says i love you & means it

who will kiss you in the rain, in the sunshine, and in the snow

whos calls unexpectedly

who will have many inside jokes with you and remember each one

who notices haircuts

who realizes that you say things but dont always mean them

who you can go swimming with on hot days

who can tell you his problems and let you help

who will listen to you talk

who will bring you seashells from the beach

who will let you beat him up when you get angry

who writes love letters to you, but doesn’t send them

who draws pictures and slips them gently into your locker slot

who saves genuine, big smiles for you

who wears baseball hats and lets your wear his too

who gives you his t-shirt to change into and not expect to get it back

who knows your favorite color, song, car, vegetable, perfume and the color of your toothbrush

who will shake your dads hand and look your mom in the eye

who willl know when something is wrong when you’re trying your best to put on an act

who will kiss you and tell you you’re beautiful

who will let you cry to him

who will hold you & kiss your cheek

who suprises you and compliments and plays with your hair

who will brag about you to all of his friends

who will not tell his friends about intimate stuff we did

who is not afraid to give you a great big hug right infront of his mom

who smells like he just stepped out of the shower

who will cut his hair when i know it looks bad

who wears cologne that you can subtly smell when you’re leaning on his shoulder

who will not try to meet up with other girls if he knows you’ll get jealous

who tells you that you have a nice laugh and a smile that lights up the room and simply be yours to hold.

… keep dreaming.

So I had this idea that I was going to get up at 8am and go to the laundromat. Too bad I can’t turn back time. Off I go, what a waste of my day. If I was rich, I would just throw my dirty clothes away and buy new ones. Not that I’m not grateful to have clothing and all, but like …. really its not that nice anyways. I just threw out a humongous garbage bag of clothing the other day. It was so heavy that I could barely carry it out to the alley. Did I think about donating it? Well, yes I did. However, after closer inspection I realized that not even one item of clothing wasn’t worn out, stained, or ripped. Besides …. it isn’t like the thrift stores around here are lacking in a supply of clothing. When I go there, the racks are so filled that I can’t even push something over to look at it. People always seem to think they are doing good by donating their old crap to these places, but really …. I think they are overstocked and I’d just be giving back crap they were trying to get rid of since most of the stuff I was throwing away probably came from a thrift store in the first place.

Update @ 6:25pm – laundry doing has been accomplished. I now have 22 clean tshirts, 7 pairs of dress pants, 13 pretty shirts, a sweatshirt, lots of underwear and bras, bed sheets, blanket, pillow cases, 5 towels, 3 beach towels, 8 tank tops, 4 gym shorts, two sweatpants…. and why am I counting? I don’t know, gave me something to do when I put my clothes away. Boy, I’m tired from all that clothes washin’. I should really do my laundry more than once a month! And I certainly would if I didn’t have to drag it over to the laundromat or to Todd’s house. Anyone looking for a roommate? I’ll do your laundry (and mine) if you let me move in. If there was seriously someone cool to live with, well I’d be out of here. Until then, this cave that lacks laundry machines is all I choose to afford for myself. Bleh.

All About You!!
Created by xxunloved248 and taken 10142 times on Bzoink
The Basics
Name?	Nellie
Sex?	Female
Birthday?	July 28
Location?	Pittsburgh
Height?	eh 5’2 or 5’3
Weight?	135
Hair Color?	medium brown
Eye Color?	dark brown
Social Life
Who is your best friend(s)?	Kitty
Would you rather be alone, hangout with one other person, or in a group?	I need to do all three at some point. Usually I just like to be with one other person or a few close friends.
What would you consider a typical Friday nite?	celebration of not having to work the next day. Staying up late and hopefully hanging out with someone
How often do you go out on the weekend? during the week?	A few times a month on the weekend, I don’t go out during the week unless its to dinner or something.
Would you rather spend the day with your family or friends?	I can alternate. I like doing both.
Love Life
Are you single?	Yes
If so, do u have a crush?	yes
What is his/her name?	is Matthew Perry off drugs yet? He’s pretty cute.
If not, what is his/her name?	What? Confused.
How long have you two been together?	Ok
This or That
Night or Day?	Both, I tend to be a night person though
Cat or Dog?	Definitely Cat, but I love dogs too.
Ugly and Sweet or Hott and Mean?	Meanness sucks …. but like, if you are mangled or covered in warts, well I can amuse myself.
Hot or Cold?	Hot in the summer with cold icecubes all over me. Mmmm …. thats the way I like it.
Tall or Short?	Most people are taller than me, so if I am around someone who is actually shorter than me, I feel like an Ogre. Yeah I’m weird
Prep of Punk?	Be yourself. I’m not all about the flipped up collars or plaid skirts .. but not so much fishnets. Plain and inbetween is fine with me.
Winter or Summer?	Summer Summer Summer, only winter for Christmas, then Summer Summer Summer
McDonalds or Burgerking?	Neither really. I prefer LJS or Wendy’s
Hard or Soft?	Hard or soft what?
Yes or No?
Do you drink?	Occassionally – not much really.
Have you ever gotten drunk?	Of course
Do you smoke?	Nothing illegal
Have you ever gotten high?	Maybe …. but not now
Are you prude?	No!
Are you a virgin?	if its 1996, then yes
Are you smart?	I think I’m above average, but not a genius
Are you ugly?	There are lots of pictures of me around here, you decide
Are you pretty?	see last answer
Are you trustworthy?	if you matter to me then you can trust me forever without a doubt
Random
How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?	I’ve had two serious relationships … and 7 others that were dumb and lasted like a minute.
How many pairs of shoes do you have that actually fit?	probably about 15 pairs
What size bra do you wear?	If I tell you will you go to Victoria’s secret and buy me some new ones?
Have you ever colored your hair?	yes, many many many times. But that was back in the day. Its all natural now.
What pieces of jewlery do you wear everyday?	actually … i’m jewelryless … I used to wear the necklace that Todd bought me but I don’t anymore.
Do you have a cell phone?	yes
Name three things you “can’t live without”	food, water, television
Who do you talk to the most on aim? phone?	AIM: Julie, Phone: Todd
What color(s) is your room?	white
Do you have a computer in your room?	no, its in my living room
What time do you usually go to bed? wake up?	usually around 1am and get up at 7:30am during the week
What’s your favorite clothes store?	I don’t have one. I tend to dislike shopping for clothes.
Do you wear makeup?	Yes, to cover the scary eye-bags …. it doesn’t really work that well though.
Do you paint your nails?	no, i bite them off
What size shoe are you?	7 or 8
Did you like this quiz/survey?	Not so much
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to Bzoink

Thought I’d post this picture of Kitty, taken a few weeks ago when he was ever so graciously letting me do a kitty photo shoot. Unfortunately kitty isn’t the most photogenic cat in the world, and although the pic is cute … I can never seem to get a picture of him that portrays his true personality, the most lovesick kitty in the world that wants to cuddle, love, purr, and play rolly-polly all day long. He tries to be a tough boy when I snap the camera but don’t let him fool ya … he’s definitely not the hard-ass he tries to portray himself to be!

Nothing much else going on. Went to Kings this afternoon and had a small portions turkey dinner .. yummm! Todd got his strawberry milkshake so his foot should be all better. Other than that, not much. I haven’t had nearly enough coffee today yet so I think I’m going to make a pot and settle down and create something on the internet.

Later.

Regardless of how strange I think my entire family is, they’re still the best ever. My grandma called me after work today and she really made me feel so much better. Without even having to say it and be agreed with, she gave me the advice that describes exactly how I feel. It is hard not really having anyone to confide in sometimes when I’m down. My grandma is awesome. Yesterday was her 66th birthday. I’m glad I have a youngish grandma who understands me. Really, even though she is a bit crazy sometimes …. she’s like a mom to me. And its good to have a level-headed rational modern thinking grandma when I have a mom who is completely insane …. but I love her too. Shortly after talking to my grandma, my mom called. Yeah …. guess I’m popular today. My mom’s birthday is on Sunday … she’ll be 46. She called to thank me for the birthday card and was crying because she said I gave her too much money. I felt bad because she never gets to buy things for herself and honestly I don’t have any need to hoard money away somewhere. The world could end tomorrow and what would I have to show for it? I’d rather die knowing that my mom was happy with her glitter pens, the latest Harry Potter Movie, a good book, or a new sparkly ring to wear on her finger. I mean, if she doesn’t have a ring on every single finger then she’s not very happy. I love my mom. My dad stole the phone again and began to rant about the fleas on the cats and how he was going to slit their throats or take them to the animal shelter. I told him to stop being insane and told him I’d come home soon. He sounded so sad and said he missed me and loved me. I love my dad too. And now I’m just sad that I’m here by myself with absolutely nothing to do on a Friday night. I feel like there is nothing left for me in this place and I don’t feel like being alone tonight. I just want to go home so I have someone to talk to and be around people who love me.

Here is what is on the agenda for the next few days if anyone cares:

Today I will be cleaning my apartment and cleaning the cobwebs out of my bedroom. I’ve decided its time to start sleeping in my bed again. I’m probably going to cook my chicken, green bean, and stuffing casserole. It’s better than it sounds …. in fact its darn tasty!

Tomorrow I’ll be working and plan to take half the day off and even if my job doesn’t think I am, I still am because I already made plans and I’m not usually a plan breaker unless I get sick. I tend to get sick more often than I’d like, but thats life.

Thursday I’m going to a local park for a “fun day” and since I’m taking my camera I promise there will be pictures.

On Friday I plan to work another half day … but I haven’t decided what I’m doing for the weekend.

In other non list-type news:

I was thinking about life today. I’m starting to like people at my job. I hated this one guy with a passion until today. But today I had the important task of obtaining ssn’s of some quite affluent Pittsburgh folks before the hour of 3:00. That was when the world was going to explode. I accomplished the task by noon and was thanked at least 5 times by him. He’s no longer on my shit list for the moment. Last week this lady who is evil and bitchy asked me for a favor and I did not treat her like shit as she does to everyone when something is asked of her … although I should have. But I’m so busy at work, I just don’t have time to remember to be mean to people just because they suck. Anyways, she is now acting like my new best friend. And, I have an assistant who is the ripe age of 21. He’s smarter than me and I don’t even have to show him how to do anything. He’s perfect. I’m starting to feel some relief on the job front. And one thing about always being busy, is that for 8 hours of my day I don’t have time to be upset about anything or even think about my life outside of work …. which is good because my real life sucks.

There are a lot of stay at home mom’s with blogs. On an unrelated note, I was reading this girl’s MySpace thing one day and she was talking about how she would be a great housewife and sometimes life got so stressful that she just wanted to be married so someone would take care of her, blah blah. I thought I related to her for about a second, then I realized that something like that could never cross my mind. What would I do if I didn’t have a job? I’m done with school …. which is kind of like a job. The only time I remember not having either a job or being in school since I left home was the summer I moved to Pittsburgh. But I was quite preoccupied with maxing out my credit card and having a new boyfriend, so I guess times were pretty exciting. I love having long weekends and weekends in general, but I think I’d go stir crazy after a while. When I’m really stressed out, I think about food … or cigarettes. Sometimes if I have plans after work, it really really helps me get through the day. Or even if I have plans for the weekend. As long as I have something to look forward to in the forseeable future. Especially if it includes hanging out with someone cool …. or cuddling. I don’t really think that kids or marriage would make me less stressed. Then I’d just be thinking about how I would get to that place … and to get to that place would mean I would have to have a wedding, and weddings scare me. If I had to choose between being single forever or having a wedding and wearing a white dress so everyone could make a fuss over me … well I think I have to pick staying single. Maybe I should just be one of those single career girls.

A life where men and families are no longer necessary. A life focusing on my career. Maybe I’ll take some classes or improve my skills in web design or accounting software so I can be the “do everything” awesome girl. I’ve got the college degree under my belt and I have tons of planning experience, so I think I’m going to quit my job and work somewhere that will allow me to utilize my skills and work my way up the ladder until I become the CEO of a company. I could definitely see the panic attacks arising, haha. Actually – this brings me back to the time I lost my debit card and had a hissy fit. Todd and I were at Wendy’s one day and I couldn’t find my debit card. I realized I must have left it somewhere and proceeded to freak out. Most likely because every cent I owned was on that card and I knew that I would have no means of getting cash until it was replaced. I didn’t handle that well. But this is like what happens every day at my job … some crisis is always arising and I’m the one handling it like a calm and sensible person! People at work often send this kind of crap to me because they know I won’t spazz and I’ll figure out the most practical way to go about it. Maybe I’ve adapted or maybe I just completely separate work from real life. If I lost my debit card now, I wouldn’t even care though. There is no money on it and its ugly anyways. But I also have a savings account, a credit line, and know that my bank would give my money back if it was stolen. I’m not desparate and penniless like I used to be.

I’m very tired for some reason. Maybe because I run around all day like a flapping monkey. When I get busy I can’t stand still …. but I also can’t concentrate on one thing. I’ll be writing an email to somebody and then remember I need to take something down to accounting and run down there. Then I race back to my office because my phone is ringing and there are packages for me at the front desk or someone is there to pick something up. And by the time I’m done running around I’ve forgotten what I’m doing ….. I’m taking a new tablet to work tomorrow. If not I’m going to have to start sticking my postits to the floor cause I’ve run out of room on my desk. I’m tired. I said that already. I’m done ranting for today. Bye.