Coffeebration

I spent a lot of my weekend installing 5 different programs to run a photo gallery on my website. After hating them all I went back and installed the first one that I had. Unfortunately I can’t write programs and create themes to make my site look the way I want it to. I thought that surely there must be something decent out there since online picture albums are pretty popular. I didn’t want stick my pictures on an online sharing thing that is free. I don’t really know why … I just feel I’d rather host them myself. It makes me feel like I’m not giving them away to the world or something I guess. Not that random strangers are going to order prints and make shrines of me in their bathrooms or anything, but hey, it could happen. But I have tons of space to host them myself, so I figured I’d just find a way to do it. I never knew it was going to take so much time and cause so much frustration. Anyways, I’ll post a link when I’m finished. I also didn’t realize it was going to take me so much time to organize my photos on my own computer. I have a lot of pictures, most of them are crap that fit into no category so I’m trying to figure out what to do.

One year ago yesterday I cut my hand and got stitches for the first time. I remember that day. There was a Steelers game on and I was supposed to go to Todd’s house and watch it with him after he was done with work. I think we had gotten into some type of dispute though, I can’t remember. Anyways, I had called him and left him a message that I was going to the ER because I was bleeding to death. I think the game started at 4:00 pm because I was out of the ER around 5:00 and Todd picked me up at my apartment and we went to Morgan’s Diner and watched the second half of the game and ate food. I remember it was a really close game, but we won. I miss Morgan’s Diner.

I watched the Steelers game yesterday and actually got excited about football. I don’t really understand football. I get the concept but I only know the basics: fumble, interception, field goal, touchdown … and I know you have to get the ball somewhere to get a first down, but after that I’m pretty lost. I relied a lot on the facial expressions of the teams to figure out what was going on. I think I’d like to meet Jerome Bettis, he seems like a nice guy. Maybe after he retires this season we can hang out. I need someone to watch football with so I can ask lots of questions so I can understand the game. A few months ago I was watching a Steelers game with my dad and asked him what the coin-toss was for and he looked at me like I was a retard. I know what the coin-toss is for now, no thanks to him. I figured it out. Maybe if I just pay attention to football more often I’ll figure it out on my own. Perhaps I’ll have to go buy a Steelers t-shirt somewhere since this Friday will definitely be Steelers day at work. It was last week but I didn’t have anything so I wore a black sweater and khaki pants. At least I made some type of effort.

I stayed up all night and slept all day today. Doing that isn’t good for my physical or mental health. I feel like a slug and now it is 8pm and I didn’t have any coffee at all today. And now it is too late. Sleep all day + coffee = never ever sleep. And I have to go back to work tomorrow. Maybe I’ll quit my job and join the circus.

I received my W2’s today and calculated my taxes. I’m getting a whopping $219 back, just about enough to buy a new digital camera, woo! I’m so tempted to just put it on my credit card and promise to use my return to pay on the credit card, but I have no self discipline and I have a feeling that by the time I get my return there will be some other thing I just have to have. I will try my hardest to wait unless I find a deal on it that I just can’t pass up. I need to convince myself that I really truly need and deserve a new camera though. I seem to have no problem spending money on other people, but when it comes to myself I feel guilty about buying things when I don’t absolutely need them. Small purchases under $50 seem to not bother me, but I feel like I need to make some kind of sacrifice to justify anything in the hundreds of dollars range. But it isn’t like I have tons of friends in need of things, so I can put that reserve aside in attempts to recover from my Christmas shopping spree.

Speaking of holidays and stuff, I was at CVS the other day and they already have the whole entire Christmas aisle replaced with Valentine’s day stuff. It kind of made me wish I was a boy so I could buy some girl all the stuff in the store. Don’t tell anyone, but I secretly contemplated buying some of the stuff there for myself because it was so cute. I mean CVS is the place to shop people. Valentines Day coffee mugs, stuffed giraffes and a million other cute animals, glass rose bouquets, and I could go on and on, it is great. I could furnish my apartment with that stuff. They just need to get some valentine socks there and I’d just have to give in. The whole holiday themed crap might annoy some people, but I get crazy about it. I know I see it every year, but it is only once a year and if people like me didn’t exist neither would the stuff, because nobody would buy it. I would buy it all if that guilt thing didn’t exist inside my head. I’m always trying to tell myself that I don’t need trivial things, but sometimes I just want them so badly. Like socks, I love socks … especially ones with cats or christmas trees … and hearts or stripes, or fuzz, or sparkles. Any sock that isn’t plain white seems to hop into my shopping cart somehow. Maybe my problem is that I like everything. Now I just need to meet more people who want to buy me stuff and I won’t have to worry about that guilt thing anymore. And by all means, if you feel that buying me things will satisfy you in some way, I’m all about doing my job to make you feel better about yourself. I wouldn’t be a very good person if I stopped you from doing that.

Besides wanting to buy all the cute things in the world, my apartment is a huge dirty mess and I will probably spend tonight cleaning, what a fun Friday night … yeah I know you are jealous. My bathroom stopped leaking and I don’t know why. It doesn’t appear that anyone did anything handyman-like in my bathroom while I wasn’t here, but knock on wood that it isn’t going to start leaking again. It was certainly leaking A LOT when I left this morning, but now its all better. Maybe this is a lucky Friday the 13th. I’m not going to chance turning on the light since the leak was coming directly out of my light socket. That would probably be a bad idea right now. If it doesn’t leak anymore, I might try it in a week or so. Certainly not on Friday the 13th though! Now I just have to go clean the bathroom from top to bottom since there is brown stuff dried all over the wall, puke puke puke.

I often read other blogs and a lot of them make me feel that my blog isn’t very good. This isn’t a huge concern or anything, but I observe that most of the ones I read are so organized and themed. Each entry will have some type of purpose and it will make sense. I tend to talk about 3 or 4 different things everytime I update. And when I’m having one of those days and I write a novel, I’m all over the place. I don’t have a spell-check function built into WordPress so I know there are typos here and there, even though I usually proofread, well … sometimes I do. I used to be good at writing, but my skill in that has really declined over the past five years. I don’t know what happened to the spelling-bee champ and fire prevention and endangered species essay winner from back in the day. I think that stress from being a penniless college student who was always stressed about finances and making it in life lost a lot of brain cells by thinking too much. And I’m getting tired of Wheatus, what is the world coming to?

But … when I look at your face I see dirt. All the sunshine you blow up my ass starts to hurt, and I don’t really mind if I’m nothing in your eyes, it’s no surprise to me.

Ok, I still like Wheatus. But it reminds me that I relate to the songs, and I wish I didn’t.

I’m a sad bird with a broken wing, cheep cheep …. can’t fly. Big cat coming towards me, nobody around to save me, seriously can’t fly, noooo …

The end.

I’d be very grateful if someone would kindly volunteer to read my new revised resume. The last time I revised my resume I had a Business Communications class where about 5 people, including my professor gave feedback. I had it tweaked to perfection. I just added my recent job and took out stupid things like ‘answered telephone and cooked pizza’ as skills. I didn’t think that they were that impressive. Anyways, I have an updated resume. Of course it is just for fun, I’d never leave my current job (hehe). Do you people still put ‘objectives’ in your resume or not? I was told in my Business class, that objectives were no longer necessary and weren’t the ‘cool’ thing anymore. My resume is currenty squeezed on one page but I honestly don’t know if it is good or bad for it to be two pages. I was always told it should fit on the front of one page, but what am I supposed to do … start leaving out jobs and having big gaps between employment dates or list every stupid job I’ve ever had?? The only job I haven’t included is my two-week nightmare at Taco Bell. I didn’t think anyone would miss knowing that I handed sewage out of a drive-thru window until I nearly died from the nastiness and had to quit. If you were wondering why I absolutely refuse to EVER eat at Taco Bell, now you have your answer. Oh and I left out the job I had on the maintenance crew where I kicked some serious ass in my steel-toed boots and lost 10 pounds in sweat everyday from painting on a roof that was 150 degrees. I kind of liked that job though, oh well.

I just updated my ‘about me’ section. It actually has paragraph breaks. And each paragraph has a different subject. And it is less rambly and horrible. I totally forgot what I had written until I read it the other day and was horrified. I must have been drunk when I wrote that one. New and improved stuff is good.

Self Pity:
I’m founding the “I don’t want to be a grown-up club” if anyone is interested in joining. I’m not sure what we’ll do or talk about at the club but it certainly won’t be about jobs, money, budgeting, stress, anxiety, or leaky and shitty apartments. Lately I feel like life is passing me by and I’m not getting out there and living my life to the fullest.

I hate money. I keep planning to move out of my apartment but it seems like it might never happen. I’ve lived here for almost two years now and now I’ve been working at a job that actually pays cash instead of french-fries and pizza for the past 1.5 years and I haven’t saved anything. I’ve paid off debt, but I’m nowhere close to being finished. I said that once I paid off my credit-cards that I would save money to buy things, like furniture. But then I went on vacation. I’d never been on vacation, never been to a real beach … I felt that it was a reasonable excuse to spend money. So I did it. I know that in reality I just need a better job, I need to move and buy some old beat-up furniture and just deal with it. I need to just ‘do it’. Everyone else my age seems to be better off and happier than me even though my new goal in life is to stop using my friends and peers as benchmarks for what I should be doing with my life. I’m going to be a mid-twenties girl pretty soon and half the people my age have kids. God, not that I want a kid now (or maybe ever) … me with a kid would be a scary thing. Ha, it would be nightmare. Oh well, it has been one of those nights where I feel like nothing is ever going to change and all the good stuff will eventually disappear … I hope I read this in ten years and laugh hysterically at how stupid I sounded. Ha.

P.S. – My miserable blog would like to inform you that Jess is now proudly 100 days smoke free. She almost wants to go out and have a smoke for being so great. Haha, just kidding.

Yesterday I noticed that something was dripping out of my ceiling in the bathroom and making my shower really dirty. I cleaned it out yesterday morning and this morning, hoping whatever the hell was leaking would just stop. This evening I went into my bathroom and discovered large puddles of ‘mud water’ in my shower. Lovely. I looked up and saw water droplets spewing out of the light fixture, that also has a functioning lighbulb in it. Woo … electrocution time! Anyways, since my landlord is in bed by 5 p.m. I decided I had better do something about this so I could shower tonight without being sprayed with mud. So I taped a grocery bag to the ceiling so it can collect the mud water. At least then my landlord will believe me and won’t accuse me of pooping in the shower. And while taping this bag to my ceiling, a dirty droplet went right into my eye! I immediately feared it was brown acid water that was going to blind me, but I realized it is probably just old rusty water … or sewage. Either way, good thing I got that tetanus shot less than a year ago. Hopefully I won’t wake up tomorrow and be a teenage mutant ninja turtle girl or anything.

On another note regarding my landlord … last time I paid my rent I asked him if he could come replace the fluorescent lights in my kitchen / living-room because they are completely dead and I have no light. He told me that he wasn’t going to replace lights and that there should be extra lights here. Asshole. I’m a short girl that doesn’t know how to replace long fluorescent bulbs. There are some in my back room but I have no idea if they work or if they are burned out. I wanted to cry. I have nobody to help me do this kind of stuff, mean old man. So anyways, I’ve been living in the dark for a month. I hate it here.

I forgot to mention that I got a gift today. It is a blue and white bracelet with silver beads that is supposed to ward off evil spirits and ghosts. I got it from my friend at work who got it for me on vacation. Oh and another really important thing … I’m on the verge of a heart-attack according to my chinese medicine friend. Yesterday I volunteered to let him take my blood pressure. I have no idea why he is taking blood pressure, but he had the pump and everything so I lent him my arm. He’s leaving the job there and moving out of state next week, so I’ll probably never see him again. Anyways, after two readings, he swears my blood-pressure is 150/110. I thought my blood pressure would go down after I quit smoking. Well love me while you can … and pray I make it to a real doctor before my heart explodes. 🙁

Someone who sucks once told me that in order for my fortune to come true, I had to eat the whole fortune cookie and swallow it before looking at the fortune in my hand, and I couldn’t tell anyone my fortune or it wouldn’t come true. So for years I’ve been abiding by this ridiculous fortune cookie rule. Truthfully, I hate fortune cookies. They taste disgusting and sometimes I chew and chew and can hardly bring myself to swallow that pile of mush in my mouth without a big gulp of water. All that for something like “There is a fork in the winding road.” They aren’t even real fortunes and rarely even tell you anything about the future, and the ones that do never come true. So today someone gave me a fortune cookie and I decided that I was totally going to forget the dumbass fortune cookie rule because it hasn’t worked in the past. And even though I don’t like fortune cookies, I can’t just throw it away with that tempting little piece of paper inside. So I tore off the wrapper, cracked open the cookie, pulled out the fortune and tossed the cookie in the trash. Yeah, I’m a rebel! May as well seal my fate by telling everyone what the fortune said.

And since this fortune is going to come true, this must mean one or more of the following:

I listed four things just to increase my odds … afterall I can’t really name a ‘dearest’ dream … I have so many, it’s too hard to choose just one.

I went back to work today and it sucked just as bad as I had imagined. Within thirty seconds of walking in the door my boss presented me with two ’emergencies’ that needed to be taken care of immediately. They were not emergencies. They were dumb. I am ready for the weekend already. Unfortunately, there is another networking event on Monday evening so I’ll just be stressed about it all weekend. Perhaps I’ll go shopping and use my Macy’s giftcard which I lazily didn’t use last week because I slept in on Thursday and had to finish doing all the random piles of laundry in my apartment on Friday before my big New Year’s date 🙂

I was putting away Christmas presents earlier and totally had forgotten about my blue silky pajamas I got from Victoria’s Secret. They aren’t sexy lingerie or anything, but I think I might feel silly just wearing them around my apartment. They aren’t real silk or anything. I’d really like some silk though.

I’m bored.

I desperately want this camera: Fujifilm Finepix F450 5.2MP Digital Camera



Isn’t it pretty!!! It is only like $250, haha. I think that is a lot for a camera, and I want to buy it for myself but I think I’ll feel guilty since my old camera technically still functions as long as I whack it off something hard (like cement) every once in a while. And my credit card needs to recover from Christmas shopping. I wish I had a never ending supply of money to buy cool things with, even though I’d probably just end up using it all to buy cool things for other people, ha. Someday it will be mine … maybe.