Is the end of the world coming? I seem to think so since it is one of my many paranoia’s. I am sure that the Tsunami in Asia only heightened my fear consciously and subconsciously, but not knowing if the world is going to disappear is kind of freaky. I suppose the fact that I might get hit by a car or fall off a building is kind of freaky too. I often ponder why I’m a person. Why am I me? My soul, as many call it is weird. I know I have a body that does stuff. But I’m not a robot. I’m real. We are all real and it is just real weird. Thinking too much can make one crazy, and I claim to hate philosophy … but sometimes ya just can’t help it!
I don’t know why natural disasters are one of my many fears. Recurring dreams about natural disasters include, being in a car trapped between two tornadoes about to collide into me, tidal-wave mudslide coming down the street towards me, drowning everyone in its path, fireball rolling down street, destroying neighborhoods and incinerating everything in its path … etc. In each dream, I know it is coming … and I just sit there, waiting to die. The fireball dream is the best … much like my dream last night. The fireball was about 5 miles away. My family and I were in the basement. I had a metal can over my head (to preserve my head of course), and I was just sitting there waiting to burn to death. Somehow we survived the fireball incident, but then Steven Weber, yes Steven Weber from Wings threw a gasoline soaked rag at the flaming furnace. Evil dumb-ass. So we ran outside, and of course, a flaming ball was descending from the sky, seconds from demolishing our entire house and our very existance.
One day I was at home and I heard loud noises outside. I was sure it was bombs going off and I was about to explode. However, it turned out to be a big firework show. Yay. Everytime I hear a helicopter flying only feet above my apartment, I fear it is going to malfunction and fall on me. Sometimes its really loud! I can’t help but fear it is going to come tumbling down on top of me. Storms are fun, but they freak me out sometimes. Especially ones late at night when the wind is howling and I’m just waiting to hear a train whistle tornado to come sweep me away.
When the power goes out I get really scared. Especially living alone, I fear the world has come to an end and I won’t be able to turn on the TV and find out about it. Fire scares me. Electronics scare me. Plugs in the wall scare me. I hate electricity. I hate sparking plugs. Sometimes all of my lighbulbs burn out at once and I am afraid that there is a secret electrical fire somewhere in my apartment. Living in a multi-building house scares me. I fear coming home from work to find a pile of ashes where my apartment once was.
My furnace scares me. It makes weird noises and I don’t like the fact that it produces flames occasionally. I wish I could put the furnace outside. I also fear carbon-monoxide. I need to get a detector, stat. I really should get around to that.
Frequently I fear that I will die in my apartment and nobody will find me for days. I don’t want to be smelly and rotten when I am discovered.
Everytime a family member calls I get nervous that it will be horrible news.
I think I have an undetected heart disease that will kill me at an early age.
I am afraid of Mad Cow disease.
I think I’m getting alhzeimer’s at an early age (or I have Mad Cow Disease). Or maybe I’m just so stressed out about life that I suffer from memory loss.
Watching shows about death freak me out. I still watch them though. When I get a pang of fear that something bad is going to happen to me, everything on TV is coincidentally about death.
I will be a mother who checks to see if her child is still breathing every 5 minutes while they are sleeping. When they grow up, they will have internal tracking devices sewn into their skin. I will be the worst mother in the world, and they will hate me.
Over Christmas, I stayed up until 4am waiting for my brother to come home. I had called him at 1am and asked him to pick my mom up a pack of cigarettes on his way home. He said “ok” and that he was chilling at Kings but he would be home in a half hour. I was convinced he was dead. My parents didn’t care and went to bed. I’m such a freak.
I can’t rest at home until my cats are all in the house. I hate it when they are outside. I am afraid they will cross the street and get hit by a car.
It is really funny though, that, I think I have had a fear of death since I knew what it was. When I was a kid, I remember thinking about death a lot. But I wasn’t that worried because I decided that I would never die because I would never stop breathing. I just wouldn’t stop. Nobody had to make me stop breathing right? It was my choice. Then one day I guess I realized that it didn’t really happen that way … so my plan was shot.
I know that I’m irrational at times and that I make big scenes over nothing. I know that freaking out about everything only decreases the quality of my life, and could very likely decrease the quantity if I don’t stop stressing out so much. But, nonetheless … I’m a worry wart until I feel securely about something. And when it comes to things that can’t be prevented and have no certainty, how can I be secure?
This post was just for fun. I’m not having a life crisis today or anything. I just thought it would be fun to read this when I’m done and laugh at how stupid I sound.
Hahahahaha, laughing in advance. I know I’m insane.
And now I am going to dry my hair while standing in a puddle, and then I’m going to walk into oncoming traffic, walk under a ladder, break a mirror, and eat expired food!
Bye.
[…] disaster dreams that took place in January. If you’re really bored, you can read the dream here. Anyways, I really want to watch it again but its like five hours. I was holding out to watch it on […]