So instead of the usual rant about how I feel while trying to be vague about the facts which ends up making no sense whatsoever, I have decided to list everything that happened today and how it made me feel. It won’t be exciting, I guarantee so just go up to your address bar and type in another destination and hit enter. I won’t be offended …. I’m just writing to kill some time and hopefully clear my brain so I can go to sleep.
1. Woke up at 6:30 a.m. – hit snooze many times, finally dragged myself out of bed around 7:30. Took a shower, wanted to smoke real bad (but didn’t), drank some coffee, perused the internet.
Feelings: Tired, cranky, deprived, edgy …. typical morning. A cigarette would have made it much better.
2. By 8:40 a.m. there was already a crisis at work. My dear friend who stopped in for a hug and to say goodbye was on his way to the airport to return to his home country. I’ll probably never see him again. Oh he also stopped in for his last check, which our ever so wonderful accounting department forgot about … AGAIN. Grr.
Feelings: Sad, annoyed
3. The semi-new kid who is unofficially my assistant ran out of things to do. Not that there isn’t plenty of work to do but its kind of hard to perform simple work functions with a brand new computer that has no office programs … or any programs except notepad and paint, and like the windows calculator. So he’s been here nearly a month now and they managed to have a brand new computer shipped over and set up …. but they are kind of defeating the purpose here. Computers aren’t too useful if you don’t have like software and stuff.
Feelings: Annoyed and Irritated
4. A little after 5 p.m. Todd called me and asked if I wanted to go get something to eat at like Eat ‘n Park. So we went and I got a Turkey sandwich, mashed potatoes, corn and gravy.
Feelings: Very happy
5. Went to Todd’s house and saw kitty. He had lots of love and slobber for me 🙂
Feelings: Very happy
6. I layed down on the bedroom with the air-conditioning on and was unconscious from the hours of 7 p.m. – 10 p.m.
Feelings: Unconscious
7. Woke up and sat in the living room
Feelings: tired, blah, bored
8. Got into an argument with Todd in the car over something stupid but now we probably won’t talk for days again …. or it will just be fighting … or nothing, or I just don’t know. I’m trying, but it just seems like I’m not accepting or forgiving enough. Or I’m just not getting the big picture. I don’t know what to do. I just fucking hate feeling like this, hate it hate it hate it. I want everything to be perfect with a cherry on top but thats only gonna happen with a bad fake cherry on top right now. I just can’t make myself feel ok about it no matter what I do.
Feelings: confused, tired, sad, frustrated, arghh
So thats about it people. Oh and tomorrow its going to be like 60 degrees and that sucks. But its Friday so that’s good. I’m sure I’ll do absolutely nothing, but hey … thats what I do best. Sorry for the crappy reading material. I’ll try harder next time.