Self Pity:
I’m founding the “I don’t want to be a grown-up club” if anyone is interested in joining. I’m not sure what we’ll do or talk about at the club but it certainly won’t be about jobs, money, budgeting, stress, anxiety, or leaky and shitty apartments. Lately I feel like life is passing me by and I’m not getting out there and living my life to the fullest.
I hate money. I keep planning to move out of my apartment but it seems like it might never happen. I’ve lived here for almost two years now and now I’ve been working at a job that actually pays cash instead of french-fries and pizza for the past 1.5 years and I haven’t saved anything. I’ve paid off debt, but I’m nowhere close to being finished. I said that once I paid off my credit-cards that I would save money to buy things, like furniture. But then I went on vacation. I’d never been on vacation, never been to a real beach … I felt that it was a reasonable excuse to spend money. So I did it. I know that in reality I just need a better job, I need to move and buy some old beat-up furniture and just deal with it. I need to just ‘do it’. Everyone else my age seems to be better off and happier than me even though my new goal in life is to stop using my friends and peers as benchmarks for what I should be doing with my life. I’m going to be a mid-twenties girl pretty soon and half the people my age have kids. God, not that I want a kid now (or maybe ever) … me with a kid would be a scary thing. Ha, it would be nightmare. Oh well, it has been one of those nights where I feel like nothing is ever going to change and all the good stuff will eventually disappear … I hope I read this in ten years and laugh hysterically at how stupid I sounded. Ha.
P.S. – My miserable blog would like to inform you that Jess is now proudly 100 days smoke free. She almost wants to go out and have a smoke for being so great. Haha, just kidding.