So my weekend is going to be filled with fun hopefully. I am going out tonight and tomorrow night, and I don’t plan on remembering most of it. I’ll take my camera along for reminders … but I’m not holding back on the potential to have some fun. Because life is short, and I need to get the hell out of my apartment. Because it smells.
I hated that stuff anyways, but now the apartment stinks like one horrible memory that really never goes away. Maybe it will smell like this forever. Maybe I’ll have to move to get rid of it. July 31st. I came back from the beach and spent the rest of my vacation with my boyfriend at the time, who presented me with an entire set of Ralph Lauren perfume. It wasn’t the stuff I really wanted, but it was nice. It didn’t smell that great, but I wore it. Now it is shattered all over the bathroom floor. Maybe I should just burn everything that reminds me of him and my apartment will smell like fire. I think smelling fire would be better right now.
Sometimes I think the sick feeling in my stomach will never go away … I’m fine for days and then something happens and I remember the boy who told me in mid November that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that he loved me, that he wanted us to move in together … only to have a new girlfriend nine days later. And when I started seeing someone in December I got bitched at about it, called a hypocrite … and all I can think about is that he was off hanging out with another girl all fall while I wore that dreaded perfume because I loved him. I hate the way I cringe when I hear someone say his name … not his personally, but anyone with the same name. Don’t take it the wrong way, I’m fine … it is just that sometimes stupid things make me want to scream. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop being angry. Mostly angry at myself for believing that I had the best guy in the world.
And there is something significantly wrong with every single person I try to meet or get interested in. Ughh .. I used to think I was lucky and that I just found good people to be in relationships with. I never understood women who were constantly going on dates and always saying how much guys sucked. Or how shady they were. But now I know it is true. Unfortunate for me. I just don’t click with anyone, it is getting harder and harder to meet anyone who gets me at all. Maybe I should become a high maintenance bitch, get a little dog, and only eat tofu and raisins. Hmmm …
God, I’m sick. I think I’m going to have to move outside where it smells like garbage.
Anyways, this weekend has a large potential to not disappoint me. Oh, I’m quite sure it won’t. Tonight I’m going out to a party and a Reggae Bar that I’ve never heard of but it sounds fun. Tomorrow night I’m going to a slumber party and brunch on Sunday. And I might get a chance to put my new camera to use, so I’m excited.
I have to go get sexy and ready, and eat some food. And set my bathroom on fire.