Dear Higher Power:
I have no money. None. I’m broke. Please make my paycheck, come sooner. I am sorry that I bought toilet paper this month. I didn’t have any newspapers to resort to. I am sorry that I bought those cute coffee mugs at the dollar store. They were just so cool. I’m sorry that I bought food at the food store. I was hungry. I’m sorry that I bought those cute shoes. They were just so shiny. I’m sorry I paid my bills. People insist on stealing my money. I’m sorry I bought makeup. I have bags under my eyes. I blame you for that. I’m sorry that I bought breath-mints. My breath is stinky. I’m sorry I bought stationary. It was so pretty. I am sorry that I bought clothes. Unfortunately society will not accept my naked body when I venture into public.
Sincerely,
Me.
Dear Checking Account:
I checked your balance this morning. There was only $9.00. I think that you mistook the comma for that measly decimal. And you forgot a few zero’s at the end. Please remedy this as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
Me.
I’m not sure which letter will be more effective. Help.