Coffeebration

One year ago today I had $9 to my name. I had just begun working at my current job and was eagerly awaiting my first big paycheck. I suppose I had been spending a lot of money during that time period since I was going to job interviews, buying clothes, missing work at my other job that paid a whopping $6.75 an hour, and still trying to afford luxuries such as toilet paper and soap. Oh, and I had just gotten a 50 cent raise because I had been making $6.25. Well, sadly I had to give up that job because my new job was offering me like twice as much and you know, things like paid sick leave, lots of paid vacation, benefits … the sort of thing one needs in order to maintain sanity.

So there I was, all cool with my new job, calling my mom to ask her if she could send me like $25 so I could buy some necessities since I hadn’t gotten paid yet. I’ve always been pretty independent and a little too proud to ask my parents for much, but I figured that since hopefully it would be the last time I’d ever have to ask for money, that it would be ok. My mom laughed at me and said she would send me a few bucks. Well the $25 came and went quickly …. and I was broke yet again. I remember Todd lending me $20 so I could go out to the bar with Julie and at the time I didn’t even have a credit card because I had closed all of my accounts, refusing to rack up any additional credit card debt. I had decided that if I was too scared to go out and find a decent job, well then I didn’t deserve to have things. I guess I thought it was ok to start begging money from people when I knew the loot was about to come rolling in. Even though I tried to be as independent as possible, if not for my parents and Todd I would probably be a homeless bum out on the street.

During my last year of school at Pitt I was having like a financial crisis. Pitt was expensive. I took out loans but they only covered my tuition. I got a job working 30 hours a week while taking 6 classes for two semesters in a row just so I could get my degree and be done with it. I was pretty burned out from going straight from class to work, then studying constantly and on top of that I didn’t even have an extra buck or two to reward myself after a really hard week. Afterall, $6.25 and hour is like slavery, seriously. And that is more than minimum wage. My job wasn’t difficult but it was physically tiring. I made pizza, stocked things, and was on my feet all night. I was exhausted when I came home and usually went straight to bed. My schedule was crazy. I woke up every morning at 5am, showered, took the 30 minute bus ride to Pitt, studied all morning till classes started, went to classes all day until 3-4, went straight to work, came home, slept. Did the same thing the next day. I worked Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri and Sat. Wednesdays and Sundays were nice, but never long enough to get everything done. I was going insane. I graduated in December 2003 and was so relieved.

I took some time off from the pizza job in December / January and spent some time at home with my family which I really needed. After that, I don’t know what happened exactly. I got kind of depressed and crazy for a while and didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life. Time went by fast and I was spending more money than I was making. My parents helped me out a little bit financially a few times. And Todd was just wonderful. He bought me food when I was starving and he bought me clothes when I needed something nice to wear for an interview. He bought me presents and took me to the movies … and I felt guilty as hell. If we wanted to do anything other than sit around and stare at walls, well he had to come up with the $$ to do it because I sure didn’t have any.

In August I was offered a new job and took it. I was so happy that I danced around in circles all day. I couldn’t wait to have money and buy things for people and prove that I wasn’t going to be a beggar forever. I found my new job to be very stressful though. Money was nice, but I was longing for the days of working in the land of pizza. I started having bad anxiety problems again around October-November and couldn’t figure out why. I had my first bad bout of anxiety back in November 2002 and ended up in the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack. For literally months afterwards, my right leg was numb 24/7 and went to the doctor constantly because I was paranoid. I tried counseling for a while but that was stupid. I self diagnosed myself with having anxiety because I was always in financial distress and couldn’t deal with being an adult …. or the fact that I wanted to be an adult but felt like a loser because I wasn’t successful. So, I figured a steady job in a professional environment was going to solve this whole anxiety thing once and for all. I guess I was wrong because after starting my new job my anxiety levels rose back to the way they were back when I first started having them. I guess I was kind of feeling insecure about my job and didn’t really feel like anyone there liked me. I thought a lot of the women were bitchy, and the company was going through a rough time because it is small, and they had just lost like 7-8 employees so there was always some kind of crisis. I just came into all of it at a bad time and didn’t understand what the hell was going on.

Things got much better though. I’ve received my praise, my promotion, and respect of my co-workers. I still dislike many of them. What can I say, women suck and most of the people I work with are of my gender. At least one of my bosses is a man and he is probably the most crazy and sweet person in the world, but he is usually traveling overseas, but I manage to maintain some sanity at times. And in the past year I’ve paid off some debt, saved some money, gone on vacation, and for the first time was able to help others out financially. So …. overall its been good and I’m sure glad that it isn’t August 26th 2004 right now.

So it isn’t all about the money people, but having some definitely helps in working out all the other crap. When your first priority is figuring out how to buy a roll of toilet paper, well the other things just don’t seem as important. I’m by no means well off, but I can say that I’m so much happier now and have a much more positive outlook on life. And that is very good. I don’t know why I just decided I needed to recap my life story here because I’m sure I already did that like 5 times in this blog, but I was reading old entries last night and came across that one from exactly a year ago and I just thanked God that I’ve moved on from all that crap.

But then I have to ask myself if this is going to happen again if I move, change jobs, or anything else significant happens in my life. And honestly, I don’t think it will. The whole time I was in college I was so scared to graduate and join the real world. I didn’t know what a real job would be like and it freaked me out. I feel confident now. My job is insane but the good thing about it is that I know I have so much experience now and can do anything I want. I dream about going to interviews and knocking the socks off people. My job experience now exceeds shredding paper and cooking pizza. I’ve lived alone now for over a year and haven’t died alone in my apartment yet, so I think its going to be ok. For once I finally feel like everything is going to be O.K. I’m still gonna knock on wood after writing that though. Knock Knock 😛

So I was cleaning my apartment and I found something that I wrote down because I wanted to remember it. This was only about a month ago and of course I already almost forgot about it. So, I’ll put it here, just in case my apartment fills with sewage and destroys my note.

Todd, just being Todd …. while driving down the road one night with me in the passenger seat.

Todd: Mmmm … this drink is pretty fruity. Its, its like …. a grapevine exploded in my mouth!

Me: ……….

Todd: So, like, I was driving and like there was a pothole, so like I swerved and put a hole in my new Gucci tires! And then, I was driving again, and there was like this chipmunk, so I swerved again. You know, that chipmunk had like his whole life to live. Oh my God, the chipmunk, I don’t want to hit him! Oh my God, I can’t see! What if I hit the cute little chipmunk!

Me: ….. Um, its night time Todd. The chipmunks are all asleep now.

That is all. Todd was pretending to be, well I’m not really sure. I think it is his inner desire to be a really feminine gay man. Its dumb, but it makes me laugh.

I designed my page again! What is this … the millionth time? Well, as luck would have it I’ve been quite ill for the past three days, only leaving my house for pop. I forgot what sunshine looks like. And the medicine I take wacks me out too much to just sleep all day. So, this is the product of being a prisoner in front of my computer. I’m applying all the new CSS I’m learning! Except, it isn’t really CSS I want to learn. I just need to get good at making graphics. Figuring out where to stick them is easy, but making them is hard! I used a new program I found called Xara to make all the cool curved edges. Don’t even say that you can make that stuff in Photoshop. I won’t believe you because Photoshop sucks and that is the end. My nose fell off so I have to go glue it back on.

I’m going into the third day of being sick. I got up this morning at 6am, took medicine, drank loads of coffee, and was determined to go to work. I’m about out of my mind with boredom, and I want to scream! I can’t scream though because I’m sick and I can’t even talk. Todd said that I should be going to bed early because I will want to sleep a lot. This is not the case. I cannot go to sleep at night. When I do fall asleep, it is short-lived because I just want to get up at like 6-7am. My usual ritual of hitting snooze 10 times and falling back into happy dreamland is gone. Now, I wake up and feel nasty and want to take medicine. Then I’m thirsty. Then I resume feeling nasty and want to shower. Going back to sleep won’t happen, especially after I take medicine because it has wacky stuff in it that makes me unable to sleep. So its 8:28 am. I’ve already determined that I can’t go to work because my nose is like a sink, I am coughing 62% of the time I breathe, and I’m having these sneezing fits that often causes mucous to involuntarily project itself out of my mouth or nose across the room. At least it is something to amuse me. Aghh. Bedtime is far away. Its going to be a long day, trapped in this cave, I can’t even enjoy sunshine. I want some hot cheetos and icecream, I know that isn’t healthy. I don’t care.

I’m sick for real this time. As stated here I said I would cry if I got sick from Todd. I don’t know if I’m sick from him, but I’m sick and if I cried I’d probably stop breathing because I can barely breathe by just sitting here. I read about a cold remedy on the internet that said that you are supposed to pour a capful of hydrogen peroxide into your ear and let it sit there. If it bubbles, that means that there is bad stuff (or lots of wax) in your ear and you should leave it in your ear for a few minutes and then tilt your head, drain it out, and repeat until the bubbling stops. Well, being the desperate believe anything is possible until proven to be false, I tried it. The first time it bubbled a lot. It would not stop bubbling so I finally just drained it out and poured new stuff in. After pouring new peroxide in my ear, it disappeared into my body somewhere. I had the same problem with the other ear. Poured peroxide in, peroxide did not come back out … EVER. So I decided I might want to quit doing it just in case I was poisoning myself. I mean, you aren’t supposed to ingest peroxide, so I don’t think it is good to let it seep into your body from your ear. Oh well. I’ve lost my voice completely and right now I can’t even squawk. If I had to call someone, they would hear “screech screech” and they’d probably think some kind of tropical bird was prank calling. I went to work for about two hours this morning to do some random stuff that needed done then I was all clammy and sweaty and came home. It feels like it should be like 11pm right now and I’m so bored. I can’t sit still, can’t sleep, can’t really concentrate on anything. Being sick sucks. If anyone knows any remedies that will cure my inability to talk or just make me better, please share.

This is totally cool and funny, and soooo true if you live in an apartment. I’m loving this guy’s website! APARTMENT SIMULATOR! (Make sure your volume is turned on!)

I think I want to move … maybe around this December or next April. Currently I’m paying off any debt I currently have and want to save some loot to hire some movers and buy a few furniture items since my place is furnished and the furniture I have stored at my parents house is just plain old fugly. The biggest thing I need to buy is a new bed. I actually own my bed, it is one of the only things here that is mine, but its a full sized bed, sagging in the middle, and pretty much shot. I cannot settle for a new small bed. It must be a new BIG bed. I also want to move somewhere with windows, allows cats, has dishwasher, a/c, a bathtub (not just standing shower), and laundry facilities somewhere (doesn’t necessarily have to be inside the apartment but would be nice). I’m willing to pay electric, but not gas. Rent must be cheap. I mean, I’m not going to beat the rate I have here, but still, the cheaper the better. And I need to live somewhere with stores nearby, and public transportation. I am a very quiet individual and I don’t have parties. Friends may visit occasionally, but most likely not. Parking is not necessary because i don’t have a car. I pay my rent early and the check won’t bounce. In fact, I can give you a year’s worth of checks in advance, all postdated to the due date if you like. If you are a landlord willing to make me an offer I cannot refuse, please email me: nellie at coffeebration dot com. I can give you references. THANKS.

It doesn’t really work, at least not for me because I tested it, but I would love to show you what I discovered in Oakland … conveniently located on Louisa Street, approximately half way between Atwood and Meyran Ave.



And yes, I really did try it out.



It didn’t work though. Oh well, its on my way to work, so I’ll stop by everyday and see if its working. If I disappear off of the face of the earth one of these days, you know what happened! So I was on my way home, and still had my camera in tote, wondering if there was anything else stupid I could take pictures of. Then it dawned on me that I really should take a picture of all of the garbage outside of the apartment beside mine. Then I could print out the pictures and send them to the landlord, and I’m sure I could find his address on the Allegheny Country Property Assessment page. Free knowledge people, you can’t be an anonymous owner these days. Actually I did look him up once and he lives in Sewickley and had a pretty nice friggin’ house. I guess he’s too busy enjoying his riches to care about the dump he is creating here. Anyways, anger was again building up inside just thinking about it, and I was all ready to take some pictures. But when I got back, something amazing was happening. The new tenants were cleaning it up. They had vacuums and were vacuuming out the basement where trolls are probably living due to the broken window. The dirty old mattress was gone. The litter all over the ground was gone and all of the rotting garbage bags were gone! I was stunned. I just stood there and stared because I had never seen it clean before. So maybe the teleporter is working in a mysterious way … transporting me into a cleaner environment! Or perhaps it brings good luck!

Yesterday I went to Barnes & Noble to purchase some books on web design because the trial and error isn’t working out so well with what I want to do, and now I am really confused about WordPress, so I thought maybe I’d find some good books there to help me out. I looked up some books on Amazon.com and read some good reviews on a few and thought I’d check them out. I could have ordered them from Amazon, but I figured it wouldn’t kill me to spend a few extra bucks and just buy them at the store. And I still needed to use the $20 gift card I got for Christmas. You can tell how often I go to bookstores!

Anyways, the point is that, every single book there about CSS or anything website related sucked and nothing was under $39.99. These same books are selling for “new” on Amazon.com for like $22 – $25 and even Barnes & Noble.com had them for like $30. So I bought one book for like $40 and leafed through some in case I wanted to buy them online, but there was nothing pertaining to what I was looking for. That is all.

What else, oh yeah … my throat hurts. Todd has a cold and I’m going to cry if I catch it. I am not licking him or anything, but we were together on Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday …. so, I’m sure my chances of getting his illness are pretty high.

I FINALLY went grocery shopping at WalMart on Sunday. Todd let me off the WalMart leash and I was free to roam the grocery section for almost15 mintues without him! It was pure bliss! I got to ponder over things without being chastised. I made some pasta salad and it is very good. I also bought a lot of frozen dinners and found the Thai Chili Sauce that I haven’t been able to find in months. It goes in my Napa Cabbage recipe, but I swore it did not exist.

I was going to wrap it up, but I just recalled the most disturbing story that Todd told me. We were in the car on Sunday, driving along the road and I saw a medium sized animal plodding along in the grass.

Me: “Look! What is that cute animal?”
Todd: “Uhh, its a groundhog.”
Me: “Aww, I hope it doesn’t walk onto the road.”
Todd: “I hope it does, and I hope it gets runover.”
Me: “You are evil!”
Todd: “Groundhogs are bad! They ruin your gardens.”
Me: “That is why you put up a fence.”
Todd: “I used to shoot them when I was a kid.”
Todd: “Then I would bury them.”
Me: “No you didn’t.”
Todd: “Yes I did. And sometimes my dad would shoot them during the day and when I came home from school he would say “Todd … I have a few dead groundhogs over the hillside that need buried.”
Todd: “Then I had to go bury them.”
Me: “You had a horrible childhood!”
Todd: “No, I think it was good for me. I learned important things.”
Me: “Ummm”

I still think it would have been better to put up a fence, but of course I never win any arguments. Even if I’m right, I just can’t win. Somehow, no matter what alternative I come up with, killing groundhogs is THE ONLY solution.

I lead a very exciting life, yep.
Later! 🙂 🙂

I think ketchup may be one of the leading causes of my anxiety I experience sometimes. I’ve not had any episodes in quite some time, however I do recall mini-attacks being brought on after a small case of heartburn, which I’m sure was caused by ketchup. I LOVE ketchup with a passion. I will eat ketchup out of a ketchup packet if dared. It does not disgust me. I can go through a bottle of ketchup a week, depending on what I’m eating. I cut a lot of ketchupy foods out of my diet, like french-fries, tater tots, chicken fingers, ya know … all the tasty stuff. The other day I had some fries. They were good. I used way too much ketchup though and immediately suffered from heartburn. Just a bit ago I had like 8 popcorn chickies, with way too much ketchup. Now I have heartburn. I’m not going to have a panic-attack over it, but I really believe that ketchup is turning against me. I love ketchup. I’m sad. I guess no more licking the ketchup off the plate for me. 🙁