Coffeebration

I wonder if there is anything I do that really annoys my upstairs neighbor. I wish I knew because then I would do it more.

I observe my upstairs neighbors living habits – I can’t help it … they bother me and I cannot help but not notice. A few months ago, he got a phone and a television. Before that, I assume he did not have either because he listened to the news radio all day and ALL NIGHT. In my bedroom I could actually listen along because it was not muffled … and I even began to memorize the radio commericals. Ughh.

Then came the telephone. This guy never has people over and he never talks on the phone. Sounds kind of like me … but much worse. I heard his phone ring for the first time a few months ago. He may have had one before, and it just never rang.

Now he has a television because I can hear him laughing at television shows, and his new favorite hobby is to play really loud video games for sometimes 6 hours straight. Ughh. And he does this one thing that drives me completely nuts … its this game that vibrates or something. It is almost like someone taped 10,000 vibrating cell phones to my ceiling. It goes in spurts like a cell phone too. Maybe it is a speaker on the floor or something. I really hate it though.

I have also concluded that he has no job and does not go to school because he never leaves. He has no schedule of sleeping. When I’m sleeping he is throwing bowling balls on the floor and blasting Germanic tribe music. When I’m awake he is doing the same thing. He is there when I go to work, when I come home for lunch, and when I come home from work. I wish he would go away.

I did my taxes today. I also learned that there is not a penalty for submitting taxes late unless you owe money. If you are due a refund, they just don’t care. Maybe I will just collect all of my tax documents for the next five years and not file. Then I will file for five years worth of refunds and get rich. Unless inflation completely destroys the value of our dollar today, I think it is a great idea. I procrastinated in doing my taxes on purpose. See, I had it all planned out for like a month to use Turbo Tax. I have had it completed since last month, but could not submit them until I entered my Adjusted Gross Income from last year. However, I cannot find anything from last year. I can’t find my W2’s, a copy of my tax return …. or even my last pay stub. Apparently I filed that stuff in a secret place because I have searched high and low …… and just can’t find them.

So I paper filed which is free, except I can’t figure out how to deduct my student loan interest, but it isn’t really much and it almost equals the amount I would have paid Turbo Tax, so I will just not claim it.

I’m boring. I want to do something fun this weekend. Someone call me and come visit.

Bye.

This summer is going to be tons of fun for everyone … or at least me. Since the weather is so freaking nice today I started to realize that I’m not just dreaming anymore, summer is coming! I know I don’t always have good things to say about living where I do, but I couldn’t imagine living somewhere in the south where it is hot all year-round. Sure it would be great, but I’d miss the snow, and Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas without frosty weather and cuddling under the blankets. I don’t really want to have to turn on the air conditioner to get that effect.

I already have some good plans for the summer, and some other things that are definitely on my to do list. First, I am going to Florida for a week and will be riding in an airplane for the first time ever! I’m very excited about the airplane thing. And I’m going to a real beach and I have never ever been to a real ocean beach before. I won’t blame my parents for being anti-vacation, just like I won’t blame this city for being cold most of the year. I love to have great things to look forward to.

Things I would like to do this summer include going to an amusement park (or 10). I’d love to go to Cedar Point, my home of three months. It seems like just yesterday, but it was almost four years ago! God, I’m getting old! I would also like to go to Kennywood, which I am sure I can afford at least that this summer. Last summer I was so broke, I couldn’t even eat out at McDonald’s! And who was it that said that money can’t bring happiness? Well maybe its true for some, but money definitely makes me very happy. I would like to go to all of the festivals here, like the Arts Festival and of course FC Heritage Days. I have to go and get the Polish platter, which will most likely be the extent of my visit there.

I’d like to not work at all this summer. I’m in the process of trying to work out a deal that allows me to only work four days a week, having Friday’s off. I’m sure that my people there would rather have me take time off than pay me overtime, which works kind of backwards. I’m supposed to work overtime, but instead I take a day off? Well, maybe I can just take a lot of comp time this summer. I don’t mind working an extra hour every day in order to have a long ass weekend.

I am also gearing up to look hot in my summer garb. My weight fluctuation disease is rampant this time of year. I gained a ton of weight after starting my sedentary job, even though I’m always running around it seems. Anyways, I guess I was not posting back when I started my serious get in shape goal, which began on February 19th. Since then I have lost 9.5 pounds …. woohoo! My clothes still don’t fit any better so I am not sure where the weight came off at, but I don’t think my scale would lie to me. I cheated a few times along the way … had two bags of hot cheetos last week but I was feeling rather depressed with all that rain and ick. I’ve been walking a lot so if you see me out strolling around give me a shout or a honk.

I just have one small comment regarding a dream I had last night, and then I will move on to something else, or just stop.

I had a dream about a coworker that I found absolutely not attractive …. and in the dream we were committing a sexual act. Now when I am at work I feel sick/guilty everytime I see this person. What is wrong with me? I’m sure its not unusual, not compared to some of the dreams I’ve had. I guess that my sex dreams and my work dreams sometimes get intertwined, and I dream about something I am NOT supposed to dream about. Yuck. I’m traumatized. However, it is preferable over the natural disaster dreams. Luckily I have not had one in a long time.

I’m drinking some coffee right now and I just realized that it is probably really old. I can’t remember the last time I made coffee, I just dumped it from the pot and heated it up in the microwave. It still tastes good though. No mold floating in it.

I bought some flowers today at the flower store. I wanted to keep them but they weren’t for me. It made me think that I should go buy some flowers sometime. Then I realized that they would not live long in my apartment since there is no sunlight. I was talking about live flowers in little flower pots, not the cut up ones that are in vases. Maybe I’ll get a cactus or a nocturnal plant. I need something to perk this place up.

Why is everything on television still about the Pope? He’s cool, but its like ruining my schedule of television watching. I suppose I will go to hell for saying that. I was probably already going there anyways.

I’m going for a walk. Perhaps I will never return. Maybe I will just walk off into the sunset and go wherever the happy people go when they walk off into the sunset. This will be goodbye because I assume that those who walk off into the sunset don’t end up back in their crummy apartments in a dirty ugly crapsack city. I just made up crapsack. Good word. Like crap in a sack, thats a great way to put it!

Oh you know I’m just kidding! I heart crapsack! Today I thought I would take a lunch break, something I haven’t done in like a month. I mean a REAL freaking lunch break, where I leave the building and do not return for a full hour … or two … or who is really counting anyways? Today I was gone approximately 1 hour and twenty minutes. When I returned I stomped and got the evil eyebrow face because I had not one, not two, not five … but nine messages for me. I don’t understand how the world can go to shit in less than an hour. GO.AWAY.WORLD.

Oh yeah, and I like diet pepsi now. I can’t even taste the diet taste anymore. However, diet coke is absolutely disgusting and it is flat. Diet Dr. Pepper is not too bad. I gave up the pop thing for a while, but now I say “eh, who cares about teeth!” Teeth are stupid anyways. I had a big black globule inbetween my two front teeth this morning. As I brushed my teeth, a whole bunch of blood started coming out. Moldy gingavitis! I just totally guessed on how to spell that, and I am not all about spell checking this entry.

Anyways, I am going for a walk. Then I might come home. I might stop at the grocery store and buy something for dinner …. or not. Hot cheetos and diet pepsi sound good, except for the heartburn. I really need a healthy meal … I have been eating either crap, yogurt, or nothing for days. I am pathetic but I don’t care. In fact I’m proud of how irresponsible I am when it comes to like eating good stuff and exercising …. but at least I’m not addicted to drugs, addicted to alcohol, in jail, or dead. Hey man, I’m proud … it runs in the family. I beat genetics!

I’m phoneless therefore handicapped. I left my charger in Easterland and I picked one up at RadioShack after work. I gave dumb ugly salesman my phone. Dumb ugly salesman ran away with it and brought me a charger. He hooked it up in the store and showed me that it worked because I was a bit skeptical. I brought it home. Plugged it in. Ten minutes later it made the shut off noise. It wouldn’t turn back on. It is dead. I looked up the igo universal charger number online. Dumb ugly man gave me the wrong one! RadioShack better give me a new phone or fix it or do something to restore the status of my once happy little Samsung or someone will be dead.

Lets see what else is new. Well, I hate my job. That isn’t new. Today we had the 34th meeting about getting a part-time assistant to help our department which most likely has no chance of ever happening. I’m tired of having meetings about it when nothing comes out of it. Another month will pass and someone will bitch about it again, bringing on another repeat of the month before. Not that I wouldn’t love the help. I could be much more efficient if I didn’t have 300 projects going on at once. I know I complain about everything, but I know I’m overworked and underpaid, and I am just sick of wasting even more time discussing the same thing over and over.

I’m sick of American Idol. The same people keep singing and sucking, and its just not fun anymore. I understand that it is a process to find the next big superstar, but come on … enough is enough. It is time for mass elimination. I don’t know why I watch it. It is on my default channel that stays on all day until Nick@Nite starts. FoxonIdol needs to die. Stop invading my television!

If anyone gets bored this week, you can go over to my landlord’s house, shove a stick of dynamite up his ass, and light it. Email me for his address. He is coming over and bringing his stupid furnace man to try to figure out why I have to keep my window open to avoid a heat stroke while the dude upstairs freezes. It doesn’t take a Rocket Scientist to figure out that basements are always warmer than upstairs places … especially if that is the location of the furnace. I know its just an excuse to bitch about something and invade my personal space. Die.

To sum it all up: Today sucked and its not my fault.

Easter is the holiday for people who believe that Jesus died, layed in a tomb for three days, and then rose on Sunday. There are also bunny rabbits and eggs and I honestly have no idea why. I don’t know what Santa Claus has to do with Christmas either.

For myself, being of no particular religion, Easter means going to visit my family, eating a lot of unhealthy food, gaining all the weight I lost, playing with cats, and watching television with my mom. Its a riot. In our family, like many families, holidays are nothing more than times of the year when the family gathers to spend time together. If not for holidays we would not see each other much. My parents claim to be atheists that want to be cremated so they don’t rot in the ground and get eaten by earthworms.

Growing up around this belief, you may see why I tend to be negative about many facets of life. Nothing we had to do was ever exciting. My parents enjoy sitting around and doing nothing day in and day out. Going somewhere is an inconvenience. Doing anything but breathing, eating, sleeping, or existing is going out of their way.

I am sort of that way, but not to the extent of my parents. I don’t really like change that much. I don’t think a relaxing vacation is a weekend of skiing on mountain slopes or bicycling from Pittsburgh to Washington DC. I like to sit on my butt and watch TV. I like to know what I am doing after work, and I don’t really want someone to call me up ask me to hang out because I already have my day planned out. “I’m doing nothing today, sorry I can’t hang out.” Anything that I see in my head as posing some type of inconvenience typically is not my idea of fun.

If you have a problem with that and thrive on being spontaneous and unorganized, then don’t talk to me or read my journal. If you think it is boring and I do nothing, then complain to my parents because today I am blaming them.

I am also pissed because there are no heterosexual men out there with blogs. Come on, why is it only girls? and gay men? Why? I want to read some real testosterone once in a while. And I would like to read one from someone who has a brain and a life … aka I do not care to hear about how drunk you got last night, how stupid you acted, how many girls you “could” have hooked up with, or how much of your parents money you wasted this week. Real men, real jobs, real lives … and I’m sick of the stupid male journals that only talk about their stupid babies and stupid wives …. that only post “cute” pictures of their “happy” families. I’m single, I like to hear about other single heterosexual males that are my age. Not because I want to marry you, just because I like to relate to people that have similar situations. Anyone out there?

The ant problem in this apartment is getting out of hand. First it was my kitchen. The ones in the kitchen were murdered by poisonous ant traps. Two days ago I saw two ants in my bathroom. I was a little concerned, but pretty much brushed it off thinking “eh two ants isn’t a big deal.” However, I came to learn that when there are two ants, there are a million more lurking around somewhere. Yesterday after work I noticed that there were at least 100 ants in my bathroom. What the hell is in the bathroom? I don’t eat, cook, or drop tasty crumbs in the bathroom. They were all just wandering around aimlessly. I took action with the ant killer trap and watched as thousands of ants marched to and from their nest, triumphantly taking the deadly poison to their queen who lives somewhere beneath my shower. This morning there were dead ants in my shower and I was half tempted to not shower because it was disgusting. But the ants are all dead now. They are no longer marching to and fro … the only visible ants left in my bathroom are dead ones. Now I must go clean the bathroom, dissolve their trail, and find something to block the entrance that they were using to invade my apartment.

I should sue those ants for psychological distress … or my landlord. Someone should take the blame for the nightmares I will have for at least the next week. The ants in the kitchen freaked me out so much that I dreamed about them for weeks. They were crawling on my face, in my clothes, coming out of my hair. I itched every night as I tried to go to sleep. Many times I jolted out of bed, switched on the light, and swore to god that there were ants in my bed. One night I completely tore apart my bed and scoured it for the little pests. They are ruining my life.

Please ants, go away and so I can sleep at night and stop my murdering. I doubt you mean much harm to me, but you can’t live here. And since you cannot understand the language of humans I must kill.

My website works now …. kind of. I installed another copy of movable type into the directory for the site, so now I’m not having the “merged blog” problem I was having before. Which I didn’t explain … the problem was that many things were still linking to my old site and the search feature was including both of my sites … and it was really annoying.

I spent way too much time trying to fix it by doing the same thing over and over. I guess I thought it might magically work if I just did it a certain number of times. I finally gave up that idea and installed another copy of movable type, which by the way, took me less than thirty minutes! That is fabulous compared to the nearly 9 hours it took me to install it the first time. I’m a guru now, so come to me …. I will charge you way less than sixapart does.

Anyways, here it is. It is coming along, so be patient. I really just want it to function. Although I did spend a lot of time making that beautiful coffee banner on the top of my page. And its all mine … I paid for the pictures.

I’m quite tired because I did not sleep too well last night, and I went hiking today in the mud. I’ll have the mass update coming up soon. Maybe tonight.