Coffeebration

I like new stuff. If you read this entire entry you will discover all of the new stuff that I have acquired, however I am not going to make a neat bulleted list, describing all of my new stuff.
Tonight at work I volunteered to go home. I think Vento’s is going to go out of business. Nobody ever comes in. The owners are sad and freaking out. Now we have burger and fry specials. Soon we will be delivering food and giving out coupons. Who would have ever thought of such a crazy idea? So I got to come home at 9:00, yay! I got some much needed work done and had time to eat toaster-strudels.
Today I bought a fancy pair of gray sweatpants. They are mucho comfortable. I am never taking them off, ever. I am getting quite upset because my Green Day Insomniac CD is malfunctioning badly. I would blame it on my computer, like I usually do, but my CD is scratched up pretty badly, so I think it might actually be the CD’s fault.
I got a new computer monitor, yay! Thank you Todd. It is big and nice and I feel corporate-like using it. My old one is sitting on my floor. Todd should come and take it away before I trip over it and make it break.
I am graduating from school soon. I currently have no job prospects, however that does not mean that I am not going to have some. I am just way to busy with trying to graduate and afford toaster-strudels. It’s hard times I tell ya.
Todd and I went to a China Buffet in Crafton on Sunday. It was quite Chinese Buffet like. Since I’ve only been to a Chinese Buffet once before I have a lot to compare to. I think all of my friends had weekly Chinese Buffet parties when I was in high school however I guess I never took part in them. I never knew I liked Chinese food until 2 years ago. I only thought I liked egg-rolls and chicken-fried rice.
On Friday, Todd and I went to Kings Family Restuarant AGAIN and I had the turkey dinner AGAIN. I love Kings Turkey Dinner. Mmmm … licious. This time we went to Kings in Blawnox, and it was much trashier than the one in Penn Hills. But they diced up the tomatoes on my salad which caused me to have much excitement.

We got a new dishwasher at our house the other day. Or should I say, we got a dishwasher. We had one before but it kind of looked weird so I never tried to use it. I asked my roommates if it worked but nobody knew. Everyone was afraid of it. So now there is a new pretty black one, yay. I do not know why we got one because nobody here eats food. It is really weird. Dishes pile up sometimes, but it is mostly forks and cups. Nobody uses plates around here. I think everyone drinks stuff and eats dirt off of the floor. Mmmm, good dirt. Actually I rarely see anyone eat here. I have never seen Ron eat here, EVER. My roommate David only eats fast-food and take-out because he says he doesn’t know how to cook. His cupboard shelf consists of a box of popcorn and a few bottles of pop. My other roommate cooks stuff sometimes with his girlfriend, and they live on cheeseburgers and mac n’ cheese. I should not talk though, I live on toaster-strudels (this month anyways). Next month I might start cooking real food.
Next month I will be a free! Free as a kitten!
Bye bye college, hello cardboard box.

I’m sorry that I am so depressing sometimes but it comes and goes quickly most times. Even though I may think life is unfair at times, I have to remember how much I have. I have a great family, true friends, and a wonderful boyfriend.
On that topic, to my boyfriend, I’d just like to say thanks for always being there, never judging me, supporting whatever I choose, and most of all, for being overall the best thing in my life. To think that anyone could ever be so dumb and give up possibly the most caring, most thoughtful, and the most genuine person in the world, and to think that I, too, was nearly so dumb. You don’t have to bring me flowers or write me songs; your everyday actions prove the world to me. Please remind me to read this entry everyday so I never forget what is important, so I can stop being so selfish, so I can just appreciate that I have wonderful things, and so I can stop dwelling on the past or the possible future. I want to enjoy today instead of worrying about how I can enjoy tomorrow. I don’t know how to do that sometimes, but you have taught me a lot about life; so smart, so wise, so wonderful. I love you.

Why does time always have to be such an issue? I never have any of it and when I do, I have to allocate every hour I have into accomplishing goals that have no purpose other than to make me have good grades, but what does that get me? Sure, good grades give me a sense of accomplishment and happiness for about two minutes, but that pleasure is always interrupted by another thing hanging over my head that I have to run off and defeat. Sometimes I just want to give up, surrender to my comfy blankets and soft pillows, leave it all for a world of dreams about kittens and cowboys. Sometimes I just feel like crying, like it never ends, like I will never have time to enjoy life because I am always doing things that I do not want to do. Why do I do it then you ask? I do it to keep my sanity. If I blow something off then the anxiety kicks in, a fever of worries overcomes me, so I could never enjoy say, blowing off a night of studying for a fun-filled night of intoxication and dancing. It just cannot happen. There is no point to do something else that is supposed to be fun if I am contemplating the consequences of my actions the entire time. And there it is, my fatal flaw, the flaw that will keep me from ever being truly happy and carefree. Maybe I’m being punished for being a peasant whore in my previous life, not really sure. I sit around most of the time envying others, wishing I could just relate to them for about one second, wishing that my life was filled with more than it is. However, I know that no matter how hard I try to relax, be like the crowd, be more flexible and whateverish, its just not going to happen because it will ultimately cause me more misery than I already have. I guess I just have to stick to who I am and learn to find beauty in my ways. I know that my personality has many virtues, but those same virtues make me miserable, self-pitying, lonesome, and sad. So while my inner-self battles for freedom and happiness I am going to resign to studying for another test, surrender to another night of no sleep, another weekend of all work and no fun. And maybe, if I’m lucky, I will have a few minutes of guilt-free pleasure.

It has been a rough week. I have had many tests, presentations, and of course work. Now I am going out in search of halloween fun, so I promise to write more than three sentences of meaningful stuff sometime this weekend. Happy Halloween!

Today I went to Blockbuster and acquired a membership so I could rent some movies. I really wanted to rent the movie “Wall Street” because I have seen bits and pieces of it, but never the whole movie. In general, the movie is stupid and boring, however, it is kind of cool to find something you can directly relate to in the real world after endless classes of stock-market information. There were actually quotes and references in the movie that I understood. It was like, woah … yeah maybe I’ll never understand all the crazy sci-fi movies, or the complexity of the Matrix, but I can sure relate to boring movies about insider-trading scandals.
I also rented 28 Days, starring Sandra Bullock. She is a good actress and I have thoroughly enjoyed every movie she has been in. Except for that one sister witch movie that came out a few years ago. That one was kind of dumb. And “Hope Floats” was ok, but I wanted to kill her ugly little daughter. Anyways … so you can figure out what I did all night, layed in bed and watched movies. I could be doing a lot of other things, but I’m tired. I’m tired of working and going to school, getting up at 7am every morning and never going to sleep until about 1am. Mornings have been better though, since the discovery of blueberry toaster-strudels and coffee in a tea bag.
I have a headache right now, and I can’t stop yawning. I don’t ever want to work again because laying around and watching movies is much more fun. I hope I win the lottery and never have to work again. Then I can do what I really want to do: drink coffee, buy a mansion, have lots of kitties, and become the president of every animal shelter in the country. I could just travel from shelter to shelter, caring for animals. When I’m old I will be like the Mother Theresa of animals.
Headache hurts and so do my ovaries. I am sick and I need some lovin’. I think the bags under my eyes have tripled in size over the last few months. I’m so tired, so so tired.
Bye.

Working really sucks sometimes, especially when I have to work from 5-11, not get home until midnight, and then be back at work again by 10am. I hate working in the evenings because everyone is retarded. At least during the day I work with kind of cool normal people. At night I feel like I do everything, and everyone else stands around and watches baseball. If I stand there and watch baseball, Carl will tell me to do something. Tonight especially irritated me because nobody did ANYTHING except for me. It was quite obvious that everyone stood around the TV and yelled, while I had 48 things to do. I had to fill 6,000 cups up with disgusting shit (aka bleu cheese dressing). The smell of it was making me nausous, and upon getting some on my finger, I began to gag. Sorry, might sound stupid, but bleu cheese dressing is the most disgusting stuff on the face of the earth. I made 400,000 boxes of various sizes. I carried 7 million things up and down the steps all night, and not once did someone offer to help me. I’m too short to reach anything, so I have to climb onto things and it is dangerous. Does anyone care that I could fall into the oven and die? Nope. Nobody cares, and I am sick of it. Carl doesn’t know how to walk, and he is retarded. He walks backwards and like falls on me 50 times a night. Someday I am just going to stand there with a knife in my hand. Just kidding. It is really annoying though. If I run out of money, I have to ask Carl at least 7 times before what I have said sinks in. Ugly people constantly come into the store and have the gayest requests just to make my life more difficult. I hate it. Sometimes I wish I could rip certain co-workers vocal chords out of their throat because I think I am going to explode if I hear one more word, or if they repeat the same lame retarded ugly ass words one more time. I think I will end up killing everyone there if I have to look at them much longer. Time to graduate and look for a job, move out of this shit-hole neighborhood, and get a cat.

I took off work again today because if I had to work I would never finish this insane pile of crap that I need to do for that senseless thing called college. Arghh. Oh well, I’d rather study for tests than work anyways. I wish someone would pay me to study, well that is supposed to happen in the long-run, right? Someone tell me that this is all going to pay off in the end, please! If not, I’m quitting right now. I am going outside to bask in the sun, be one with nature, and feed squirrels cheesy-puffs all day long!
Anyways, here is a recap of my weekend. Friday I did nothing. I was planning on hanging out with Todd, but for some reason I turned into an evil-demon and he did not want to be around me (my own fault). So I sat around and contemplated the suckiness of life and how I might as well just go to bed because going outside would guarantee a deadly outcome. Well, death sounded kind of fun, but I don?t know what fun is, so I just sat around and pouted a lot.
So Saturday I worked all day, and then I came home, and played the “How much dirty laundry can I stuff into this mesh bag” game. After stuffing as much as could be stuffed, I slung it over my head and whisked myself off to the Laundromat on my magic carpet. Unfortunately my magic carpet had a weight limit and I came crashing down to the earth. I had to pursue the only logical alternative and hop on a bus to the ever so fantastic Econo-Wash. You may think I am being sarcastic; however Econo-Wash is the best Laundromat I have encountered thus far in my life. You ask me why? Ok, then I shall tell you! Econo-Wash is equipped with trashy people, however it does include benefits such as dryers that make all of your clothes toasty in 32 minutes or less and cost only $1. In addition, one dryer can still dry 1.5 loads of laundry in 32 minutes or less. How can one resist? And not only that, but Econo-Wash also has a state-of-the-art coffee machine with an array of coffee to choose from, and hot chocolate and chicken soup to boot!
Anyways, Todd picked me up from the Laundromat and I came back here and got a quick shower so I could don my (freshly clean) gay apparel, and we zoomed off to the land of somewhere Penn Hills’sh to drive past a house. Todd was thinking about buying this house out there; however that is not happening anymore because it isn’t up to his standards, so we shall move forward onto the rest of the night. After that, we went to Kings Family Restaurant and I had the most glorious turkey dinner with turkey (of course), mashed potatoes, stuffing, and cranberry sauce! Mmm … licious! We also got a yummy platter plate with mmm good stuff.
Anyways, I was really excited to eat food because there is none of that food eating going on around here much these days. I mean I definitely eat, but I just never eat anything good. Nothing homey anyways.
On Sunday, I got up bright and early and made my way over to the grocery store where I encountered a bunch of not cool people. You can read about that in my previous rant. Anyways, I bought some breakfast food like toaster strudels and English muffins. Since I’m up by 7:00 every morning, I work during dinner time, and I come home really late, I decided that breakfast food is the only thing I have time to eat here. I also bought this instant coffee in a tea-bag stuff which is surprisingly awesome. You can just put the coffee-bag in a cup, put in some water, stick it in the microwave, and within two minutes you have a steaming delicious cup of coffee. Must say I’m really impressed with it. I find it to be the answer to all of my problems because I want to drink coffee in the morning before I go to school, but brewing a whole pot of coffee is pointless. But then, brewing only a small amount of coffee always makes the coffee taste like poop. I love coffee in a tea bag! Thank you!
I also bought like 10 cans of soup. I love soup. Today I bought some chicken noodle soup at the Cathedral because I was starving. I love Chicken Noodle Soup. In fact, I think I could live on toasted bagels, soup, and popcorn for the rest of my life. Once in a while I need a turkey dinner though.
Anyways, I guess I forgot that I have two tests and a paper due tomorrow. I’m done with the paper, almost done studying for my one test, but I have completely neglected the other test. Oh well, something has to get neglected when these times arise. I had to give a presentation today too. Only one more presentation to go for the rest of the semester. I don’t think I’ve ever had to give 5 presentations in one semester before, let alone within the first two months. Go presentations … I think I’m getting used to public speaking now.
Must go study study, have a wonderful night.

I’m so sick of this cityI could puke. Today I went grocery shopping at Giant Eagle in Shadyside. I took extra time to catch the bus there, just so I wouldn’t have to go to Ghetto East Liberty Giant Eagle, which is equally as far anyways. Anyways, I am standing at the bus-stop and this stupid guy comes up to me and goes “Do you have 75c you can spare for the bus?” I just flat out said “No”. I have no reason to make up excuses. The asshole losers can figure it out themselves that I hate them and hope they all rot in Hell. Then, two seconds later a girl comes up to me and asks me if I have any cigarettes she can have. Again, I said “No”. Then a minute after that, the duo of loser-homos walk past me, the old man muttering something about “ungrateful bitch white-folk something”. What fucking ever. I’m sick of it. Go get a life, get a job, why the fuck can’t you leave me alone! One day a man asked me for a cigarette and I told him no. He was like at least 65. He was like “What do you mean NO?” I was like, “I mean NO, go buy your own like I do”. He then proceeded to say “Fuck you, You stinky ass bitch”. I was like “Yeah, fuck you too.” If I say no, that means no. Sorry that you are frustrated that your mooching-pan-handling career isn’t working out as planned. Go get a real job.
So, tonight I decided to go to the store before it got dark out. 6:00 still seemed reasonable. Of course not. A gang of 15 year olds decided to act very fucking homosexual and be all like “Hey, what are you doing tonight? Hey, hey, I’m asking you a question.” So I turned around and said, “I’m sorry, I’ll be busy until way after your bedtime.” Maybe I should not have said that to like 6 guys, but I don’t fucking care. I’m so sick of everything here that I want to puke. I can’t go outside anymore. It isn’t even this stupid neighborhood, its everywhere. But a big part of it is this neighborhood. I feel like a prisoner, and I hate it. I want to leave, and I want to leave now. Please, someone help me. I don’t know what to do.

I totally forgot to tell everyone that I met Maddie Ross the other day in the Cathedral of Learning! I was walking and I saw her, and was like “woah! That is Maddie Ross!” I didn’t say anything, but then she looked at me and asked me if there was a cafeteria of some sort. I said yes and I told her where it was. Then I was like “Are you Maddie Ross from the Post-Gazette?” And she was all like “Yeah!” And I was all like “Cool!”
Anyways, if you don’t know who Maddie Ross is, I will tell you. She is a managing editor for the Post Gazette and she is on the Channel 11 news everyday to report about what is going to be in the Sunday paper. She has this crazy black hair that she wears up in a bun and she looks like Elvira, but in person she doesn’t look as scary.
Anyways, I never met anyone on TV, so I’m excited.

I need to move. I like my house and I really like my bedroom. Since the weather has become cold, I have noticed that it is really warm in here. Sometimes I have to open my window, and I don’t have to pay for the heat!
There is too much crime around here though. I cannot go outside once it becomes dark because I fear my life. I am not allowed to walk home from work because I could get raped or killed.
A few weeks ago, there was a shooting by the Sunoco about two blocks from my house. Today, there was a shooting/robbery/death at a small little store that is about 100 feet from my house. If I go outside and walk about 20 steps, I can see the place. That is way too close for me. Sometimes I walk that way to work, but I won’t today because I do not want to go near the crime scene. I am afraid to go to work, because some night a crazy person is going to come in and hold up Vento’s. It is inevitable, seriously. The Sunoco right beside Vento’s has been held up so many times that there are crazy signs outside of the store about not wearing hoods. Inside, you are separated from the cashier by bullet-proof windows, and you have to slide your money through a slot. Now maybe Vento’s has not been robbed because people in E. Liberty know that it is a “NO Bullshit” place and they have some respect for its owners. BUT, someday it is going to happen. I guess I should rephrase my previous statement to “I need to move and get a new job.”
I’ve been thinking about staying here until August, but since I do not have a lease I might move before then. Financially I can’t afford to move. I can’t afford to live by myself. Anyone in the Pgh. area need a roommate around April/May?? I don’t care where. Just not East Liberty or any other ghetto neighborhood. I am willing to live in: anywhere with buses that is not East Liberty or the equivalent of East Liberty.
Now I have to walk to work and hope that I’m not randomly shot. Drive-by shootings are becoming pretty popular around here. Especially on Hollow Ave. Ok, so I’ll walk down Sheridan Ave. Oh wait, someone got killed there today too. Well, I’ll just hide in my room for the rest of my life.
Bye.