Coffeebration

Thursday, July 11 2002

Tomato plant is back in action!! Planty is happy once again. Today I cut his dead leaves off, added more soil, and gave him some tender lovin’. There are thousands of little tomatoes sprouting out everywhere, so I think he will be providing my tummy with many cherry tomatoes in no time! Yay! I am much happier today — yesterday I was kind of not all about writing anything when I updated. Today was a great day! I rolled out of bed in the normal “I don’t ever want to get out of my bed” mood, but I figured I had better wake up anyways because going back to sleep would have resulted in a coma lasting several hours.

Besides, someone was endlessly pounding something that was making my bedroom vibrate, so more sleep was kind of impossible. I later found out that some men were replacing the carpet in the downstairs apartment. I got excited when I went down and saw closest doors in the hallway. I thought they might be replacing closets and could give me a new spacer for mine so I could finally close my closet door, but I was not that lucky. I contemplated cleaning the bathroom but decided against it because I am sick of cleaning. My bedroom really needs some organization — no matter what I do, it is always a mess. I need somewhere to put stuff and I have nowhere to put it. I think maybe I will just have to put the frame on my bed so I can store stuff under it. That was Todd’s bright idea, and even though the thought of putting my big wonderful squishy bed on a frame kills me, I just might have to do it.

I finally got a laundry basket the other day. My main goal was to buy a laundry basket and some clothes hangers when I went to Walmart, but do you think I remembered? Of course not. I need to start making lists because the minute I walk into Walmart, everything I needed to get just erases itself from my memory, and the evil marketing strategies of Walmart coerce me into buying trivial things that aren’t necessary. I used to be such a thrifty shopper back in the day when I got an allowance — oops I still do get an allowance, well it used to last me the whole allowance period. Lately, I am just “I want, I want, I want”. I don’t know what is happening to me! Back to the allowance thing — yes I still get an allowance. I have no idea why. I once told my parents that it was unnecessary. Last summer when I moved to Ohio and was making lots of money, my mother informed me on the phone that my allowance had built up and I could either have it mailed to me, or I could wait until I got home to retrieve it. The day I came home my mom gave me an envelope that said “Jess’s allowance” on it, and it contained my $260 of allowance that I would have accumulated over the summer. My parents are weird. I hope I still get an allowance when I am 30 and have 47 children. Maybe they will extend my allowance every time I have a kid too! And I will have my allowance + kid allowance. That would be awesome. I wonder if my parents really want to be grandparents. My mom once said that I should have a kid, but I think she was just kidding. I wonder if they would get sad if I told them I was pregnant right now. I bet they’d be sad for like a minute, but then they’d get really happy. But the way things are going, I have a feeling that my brother is going to make them grandparents before I do, but I sure hope that isn’t the case.

Anyways, continuing on with my wonderful day …… Todd and I decided to go to the movies tonight. We went to Monroeville to see “Mr. Deeds” with Adam Sandler and Winona Ryder. I must say the movie was really good even though I am not a huge Winona fan. I sure do heart Adam Sandler though. Just thinking about it makes me want to watch the Wedding Singer right now. It is the most wonderful movie ever. I really think that Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler would make a great couple. You know — I don’t even know if Adam Sandler is married. I am sure he is, but I seriously don’t know. And I say that I am a huge Adam Sandler fan. Ha, well I am definitely a huge Wedding Singer fan. I wish they would make another Drew Barrymore/Adam Sandler happy love story movie. That would make me soooo happy. So, the movie was wonderful. Afterwards, Todd and I came back to the apartment and Courtney and Todd had yet another PCI slot discussion. Boy do I love PCI slots! So I took off all my clothes and thankfully Courtney and her PCI obsession did not witness the event. I guess she doesn’t really want to get it on with me as much as she says she does. Courtney claims there is to be a party of some sort here on Saturday with some really awesome people, yeah! Can you sense some sarcasm? I don’t know what I will do because I am sure they will all drink beer and I have vowed not to drink again until I turn 21. I am irresponsible and stupid when I drink. I mean even three beers and I am lighting illegal fireworks off of a balcony. I am glad that Todd has all of my fireworks now and he can keep them — I am sure they will just get me in trouble. Tomorrow I am going over to Todd’s to witness the making of GOD (aka his new computer). Should be fun! Well I’m off to bed because its time to sleep and if I don’t sleep I will be a grumpy bunny tomorrow!! Peace out YO. Shizza me timbers. Bye!

Wednesday, July 10 2002

I haven’t updated in almost a week so I will just have to dedicate this news section to bringing you up to date on all the fun events occurring in my life. So the 4th of July was fun. Todd and I went to his house in Johnstown. His parents cooked a really good steak dinner and we set off fireworks. Todd and his brother tried to make a bomb out of a pop bottle, but their attempts at doing so failed and it just ended up being a flaming pop bottle. We stayed in Johnstown that night and did some stuff on Friday. Then we went to FC to make our appearance at Heritage Days. I got a chicken egg roll so I can finally shut up about how much I want one. I also ate the Polish Platter but it wasn’t very Polish-y. The pierogies were definitely Mrs. T’s, but it was still ok. We came back to my house and watched some home movies then went to sleep. On Saturday I got up to watch the race. People look really funny when they are killing themselves on the hot pavement, trying to win a stupid race. Julie and Katie were in the race, however, they were smarter than everyone else because they decided to walk and be in last place. Sometimes it is worth killing yourself to win, but not when it comes to the Heritage Days 5K. My brother was in it too. He is actually in shape though, so he ran + did not kill himself. He is pretty smart. Fat people who are out of shape just shouldn’t try to run, especially since it is probably the only time they have attempted it since last year. After the race, Todd and I left to go to Idlewild. We searched for a road that did not exist and went around in circles for a while, but we got there on time with our yummy kielbasa and sauerkraut. We had a good day at the park … ate some good food, rode rides, played mini-golf, and watched a show with crazy clown acrobats. So, there is a very brief recap of my three days away from Pittsburgh.

On Sunday, Todd and his new laptop came to visit me. I slept a lot that day, and I don’t think I got anything accomplished. On Monday Courtney and I cooked cabbage and noodles. Then we ate it. Todd and I hung out and he showed me some stuff in Dreamweaver. It doesn’t seem too hard, so maybe I will try to make a webpage with it. On Tuesday, Courtney and I went in search of a Walmart that is only 15 minutes from here, but we ended up driving to Greensburg because we drove right past it. Oh well. I bought some new shampoo and shaving gel, a headset for my phone, and some glossy paper. We went to Sheetz and ate yummy Sheetz food, yay! Todd came over and we watched the Skulls. Sorry for the briefness of this update. I am just sick of the same old stuff these days. I am sick of my webpage and I’m just kind of blah right now, but I figured that I better update since I haven’t in a while. My tomato plant is dying and therefore my life will cease to exist.

bye

Thursday, July 4 2002

Happy 4th of July! It would be an even happier 4th of July if it wasn’t so oppressively hot. The only thing that I can do to cool down some is to take cold showers. I will feel better for about a half hour, or until I get up and start moving around. I woke up at 9am and was not ready to get up, but I just couldn’t stand feeling so disgusting. So I took a freezing cold shower and hopped back into bed. I fell back asleep for about two more hours. Weather.com says isolated showers today, and predicts no rain after that. For July 5-13, it is predicted that it will be mostly sunny or partly cloudy every day, and that it will be 890 degrees. I wouldn’t care so much if the damn yucky smog/humidity would go away, but since it is never going to rain, I predict the next 2 weeks of my life are going to be terrible. I guess I am never happy about the weather. It is always too hot or too cold. Then there is about 3 days out of the entire year that the weather is just perfect. I wish every day would be perfect. I wish that we could evolve to adapt to the temperature, so that no matter how hot or cold it was we would always feel ok. Last night Courtney and I decided to get drunk. I don’t know if Courtney did, but I think I definitely did. I drank 2 beers and felt really intoxicated. My friend Dave dedicated a ra’ra’ra hardcore something I couldn’t understand song to me on the radio, but it’s the thought that counts. You can listen to W-IUP on the internet now which is really cool. I set a mega-bottle rocket off of our balcony and Courtney said it hit someone’s house. The performance of this act is rather fuzzy now, but I have a nice blister on my finger to keep the memory alive. It was hot last night. I did laundry and took out nasty garbage. I took a lot of showers. Todd came over and we drank more beer. We went to Crossroads at some point and I got a Popsicle. Somewhere around 2 I must have passed out. I remember laying in my bed thinking that I was going to get up and put some clothes on since I never got dressed after shower #66 of the day. I guess I never put any clothes on though because I woke up this morning hot and naked. I have been showering a lot lately, but I wonder if I am really getting clean since I don’t use hot water anymore. I still use soap so my body is probably going to start getting soap build up and I will become a flaking soap monster. It is 3:02pm. Courtney has been sleeping for 13 hours and 5 minutes, at least that is how long she has been idle. When I peeked in her room last night before we went to Crossroads, she was sleeping and that was definitely before 2am. I think she is dead. Maybe I should go check on her. I am leaving in about an hour to go to Johnstown with Todd for a 4th of July celebration of fireworks. Tomorrow we are going to FC for Heritage Days fun and tasty egg rolls. On Saturday we are going to Idlewild Park, so I am going to be gone for a while. I think we are going to come back on Friday night though and leave from here on Saturday. I guess it is time for me to get ready for my fun excursions.

Bye.

Tuesday, July 2 2002

I think Courtney is puking in the bathroom. She gave me a bowl of potato salad from our refrigerator and I took one bite and decided that it didn’t taste very good. She ate it, so maybe she has food poisoning. Oh yeah — our refrigerator is broken, so it really isn’t safe to eat anything from it. The milk has gone bad and the sell by date isn’t until July 5 or something. Everything is moldy, and we found a living, breathing mold monster growing on some pasta. Jeff came over and looked at it and said that he would call the refrigerator people and see if they had any suggestions. If not, we might get a new refrigerator. It’s definitely at least 50 degrees inside and my pop doesn’t even get cold when I put it on the side of the refrigerator. My cheese and salami are in the freezer — not too sure if salami can be frozen, but I think frozen is healthier than spoiled. It’s entirely too hot to live in this apartment. I took a cold bath a little while ago, but the relief departed the minute I stepped out of the bathtub. I think my room is filling up with hot poison because I feel like I cannot breathe. Julie and I decided that we are going to quit smoking because we don’t want to die. Actually we were driven to this decision mostly because cigarette prices are going up again and we don’t want to pay $4 (equivalent to $6 in Pittsburgh) for a pack of cigarettes. So we joined Quitnet and my quit date is July 9. If I was seriously going to quit, I think there is no better time than right now. Every time I have considered quitting, I concluded that it wasn’t a good idea because I was always stressed out with school, work, etc. Right now I am happier than ever and my stress level is at a healthy level. I probably won’t quit though, but maybe I will try — I’m still debating.

On Sunday Todd and I went to Ohio to buy fireworks. We got to Ohio and expected to magically find a fireworks hut — we weren’t very prepared. We ended up going to Youngstown and driving down streets with houses on them. Then we saw a Phantom Fireworks flyer on a mailbox so we stopped and wrote down the address. Then we turned down the street the fireworks store was supposedly on and it was a dead end brick road that was barren and deserted except for an old Steel Company. We found it a few minutes later, but the address was definitely wrong. I bought some sparklers, snaps, spinning lanterns, bottle rockets, roman candles and a few other miscellaneous things. Todd bought some kind of really big rockets. I bought a towel rack at Wal-mart and put it in my bedroom because I have too many towels and my makeshift towel rack wasn’t working out very well. I think Courtney and I are going to go buy some ice after the mole is over so we can create a makeshift refrigerator. I’m too hot to think anymore, perhaps my brain is melting. Bye.

Thursday, June 27 2002

I just walked in the bathroom and instead of turning the light on, I turned it off! I am used to turning the light on when I walk in and apparently I am not prepared for instances when the light is already on. It’s off now. Today was el dia del muerte. I woke up at 9am to get ready to meet my grandparents at Montefoire hospital. My grandfather had an appointment at the dental center there so I went to meet him and my grandma so we could hang out and get really drunk and high. That hospital is very confusing. First, I couldn’t find the main entrance to Montefoire, so I just decided to go in the main entrance at Presbyterian Hospital and walk across the “bridge”. More on the bridge in a minute. So, I get into Presbyterian and go up to the third floor to get on the bridge, which I accidentally called a tunnel …. shame on me! While walking across the bridge, I encountered a friendly employee and decided to ask him if there were any crazy secrets to get to the second floor. He asked me where I needed to go, and I told him that I needed to go to the dental center, but I wasn’t sure where to go after going through the “oops” TUNNEL. “Tunnel! Aaaah!” he shouts at me. “It’s a bridge, bridge, bridge, NOT a TUNNEL — why does everyone ALWAYS call it a tunnel?” Well, I think of it as a tunnel because a bridge has air in it. A tunnel is enclosed by four walls, but I guess I was wrong — because if it has windows, then it is also DEFINITELY a bridge. A tunnel has no windows. I didn’t really feel like arguing with him because he worked there and he would know whether it was a bridge or a tunnel. And yes, there was a secret to getting to the dental center. I had to go from 8th floor to the 7th floor, walk down a corridor for 8 miles, hop onto scary breaking elevators, take that elevator to 2, then make 14 right turns. I made it there though, so yay! I sat in the waiting room next to a humorous elderly couple. They were reading the newspaper and the man was telling his wife about some kind of new fake diamonds that were almost identical to real diamonds. The wife said “But they still aren’t real!” The husband says “What the hell does it matter? Who is going to know?” The wife replies “An appraiser would know! I wonder how much my diamond ring is worth.” The husband replies, “Two dollars.” They were just funny, guess you would have had to be there. 27 hours later my grandparents come out of the tooth center and my grandma screams in glee. “Come here and give me a hug!!!” So I hugged her and my grandfather said he was dying and had to have his mouth removed! Wonderful!!! We went to Joe Mama’s for lunch and my grandpa was being a poop head. He was acting like he was 2 and refused to eat anything but a bowl of soup and some beer. My grandma and I got pasta salad with olives and salami. It wasn’t the best dish I’ve ever had, but it was big and yummy enough for me. When I got back to my apartment, my mood had swiftly changed from happy grandparents mood to destroy the world mood. I was feeling irritable and found myself swearing at many inanimate objects. My camera had magically arrived in the hallway while I was gone, but that did not really cheer me up. In fact, I think the camera added more hate, death, and destruction to my mood. I hated it and wanted to destroy it and everything around me. I was ready to destroy the world but decided to go to sleep instead. I think I was just sick of being hot-yucky and feeling like poop on a stick. I slept all day long and didn’t get up until around 9pm. It was the greatest thing ever! I love love love love sleeping, especially when it rains. It rained and rained, there was a huge storm because I heard thunder two times! And of course our power went out multiple times, but that is to be expected when there is rain with thunder (2 Times!) Wha-cha cha. After I woke up, I walked around the apartment and then went to Crossroads to buy some new clothes. I super-cleaned the kitchen and took pictures of it with my new camera. I really didn’t have anything to take pictures of besides Courtney, and the kitchen pictures are so much nicer. I think I will take pictures of all the rooms when they are clean and make a virtual tour of our apartment. Then I will take pictures of all the rooms when they are dirty and make another virtual tour.

I am going to sleep in my nice big bed now. Goodnight.

Wednesday, June 26 2002

Here is a list of things that make me happy and a corresponding list of things that make me unhappy.

I’m happy because:

My boyfriend sings me songs.
I found money in my bag of tostitos
There are little tomatoes sprouting on my tomato plant
I will be 21 in one month and 2 days

I am unhappy because:

It is seriously too hot to live.
I sweat profusely and have to change my clothes every hour.
I cannot sleep.
There is animated/talking farm machinery on TV.
There are pimples on my face.

I made that list yesterday but my feelings towards these issues have not significantly changed in the last 24 hours. Nothing has happened since my last update. I didn’t fall into a coma preventing me from life, but nothing sensational has really occurred over the past five days. I don’t remember doing anything on Sunday which probably means that I really did nothing. Todd came over at some point and it was scorching hot outside. We sat outside on the balcony and had fun with ice cubes. I think it temporarily cooled us off. Todd did some laundry and we walked to Sunoco. Courtney came back Monday night, and her, myself, Kelly, and Nathan played Mario Kart, ate ice cream, and drank some beer. On Tuesday I listened to Todd sing songs about selling me as a pez dispenser. I fell asleep at 2am and woke back up at 6am. I resuscitated my love for Big Money from 6am-8am and then fell back asleep. Today Courtney went on a date with a boy named Kevin. Apparently she had a good time because they are planning on getting married next week. Todd came over and brought me a present ala blender. It is the most awesome gift in the entire world, and although he didn’t have to buy me anything to prove that he is the best boyfriend in the universe, it sure didn’t hurt anything. We watched some TV while Courtney gave us a recap of her date. She informed me that I tried to get it on with her lover which I was unaware of. Then she kicked Todd in the stomach and hurt him. She proceeded to lock us out on the balcony and go away. I think she is on a quest to destroy my life. I am meeting my grandparents for lunch tomorrow so I should probably go to sleep. BZZYE

Saturday, June 22, 2002

It’s that time again, time to enlighten you with the earth-shattering events that have occurred in my life since my last update. I can’t remember what I did on Thursday, but Todd came over at some point and showed me how to use MIRC, which is a really cool program that doesn’t work. Courtney and I cooked a wholesome meal that consisted of raviolis, rotten salad, and garlic bagels. Well I think that is all I did on Thursday. On Friday, Todd and I went to the South Side to get some chicken on a stick. It was perhaps the best chicken I have ever eaten. Then we came back to my apartment and hung out. Todd played with his new phone while Courtney and I looked at old pictures from when Courtney was pretty. Courtney also told me that she might have a date lined up next Friday but she doesn’t know anything about her date. That’s cool though! Todd and I made plans to go to Johnstown on Saturday to see the big Thunder in the Valley motorcycle parade, but we did not wake up early enough to go. We went to Johnstown anyways and we saw a lot of motorcycles. I ate some wonderful perogies at the festival and then I got to go for a ride with Todd in his mom’s mustang. It is a very pretty red 1965 mustang … I don’t think I ever rode in a mustang before, so I was quite excited. Today was also our one month anniversary YAY!! Tomorrow will be a day of death. So there’s the recap folks … want to hear what I have planned for the rest of my life?? OK!

Well, I plan to go to Heritage Days during some time frame between July 3 – 8. I just want to get egg rolls, that is really the only reason I want to go. I am not sure what I am going to do on the 4th of July. I would like to see the fireworks here in Pittsburgh because they are probably a lot nicer than the ones at home, but it really isn’t that important where I see them. Fireworks are fireworks, and they don’t give me an orgasm, so its not that big of a deal. On July 6th I am going to Idlewild Park with Todd for his church Picnic … I don’t think I have ever been there but I might have. Those are my only definite plans right now. I want to go to Kennywood some time before summer is over and I would also like to get really drunk sometime. I hope I do both of those things on the same day too. Kennywood + alcohol + rollercoasters = fun!! Courtney and I want to buy a piano to put in our living room. I don’t know how to play the piano, but I think I can learn. Ok, I think that is all.

And finally, in lieu of our One Month Anniversary, here is how it all came to be, exactly one month ago around 7:30pm! 😛


ME: how are ya
Todd
: hi there
Todd
: sorry, I was on the phone
ME: hi
ME: thats ok
Todd: so, when are we getting married tonight?
ME: haha 😛
Todd: so, you wanna make it serious?
ME: what?
Todd: us
Todd: as is formally speaking. you wanna go
out with me?
Todd: or in older sixties slang, you wanna go
steady?
ME
: be your girlfriend?
Todd: that could be the synonym I’m looking 4
ME: ok
ME: yes!
Todd: WOOHOO
ME: :-D:-*
Todd: This has to be the greatest moment my
life can ever offer me. except for the next time I see
you 😉

Let’s see what has happened since I last updated. On Sunday morning, I was awakened by the beautiful ring of the telephone around 10am. After sleeping for only 2 hours, due to the insane night of personal ads and fun in our hallway, I jumped right out of bed … eager to start my day. Todd, of course was the beautiful caller, requesting my accompaniment to a flea-market. How could I pass up a chance like that! So I hopped right out of bed like a happy bunny … too happy to even take a shower! Todd arrived, and we went on our merry way. The dazzling sunshine eating my eyeballs just added to the merriment, and coffee from Sheetz was just orgasmic! The flea-market kicked ass … Todd and I bought matching lamps (fuck you Julie). Todd got another painting for his apartment, and I bought some nails … exiting eh! Back in merry ol’ Pittsburgh, Todd and I got some food at Tom’s Diner in the Southside. I had a biggest and tastiest club sandwich … Todd ate some type of Buffalo-orange sandwich. It was about 4 degrees in the diner … I really didn’t understand why it was so cold, but the food was good! Then Todd and I went to his apartment and hung up his new painting. My non-showered body was feeling rather gross … actually just my hair, so i washed it in the bathtub and somehow managed to make it look ok without a hairbrush or a hairdryer … go me!! His grandparents came to visit and brought a cool table. We hung out for a while, and then we went to GE to buy some ingredients for our work of art … strawberry shortcake. We went back to his apartment and baked it. While the cake was in the oven I fell asleep on the floor. I guess my 2 hours of sleep had finally caught up with me. I don’t think I slept for long, but I really needed a nap because I was starting to feel grumpy. We finished making the cake and then we headed back to my apartment where we proceeded to eat the cake. It was very tasty. Afterwards, Todd and I spent some quality together … not that we hadn’t been together all day. I think he left around 3:30am. He has a curfew now though, so he won’t be staying that late anymore.

Ok, maybe it melted a little bit on the car on the way over to my house …. but it tasted MUCH better than it looks!

On Monday, Courtney and I went downtown so she could get her hair cut. I sat in a chair and read every single horoscope in every single magazine. Then I read a story about how guys can please women. I think that it was directed towards guys, but at least now I know how to please myself … just kidding. I got sick of reading the magazines, so I fell asleep with my eyes open, kind of dozed off into dream world. 6 hours later, Courtney came out … and looked the same. That’s a lot of hours for like no cutting. Anywzz … then Courtney and I went to the Arts Festival. I was starving, so I bought some cabbage and noodles ….. and it was the grossest thing I ever ate. There was like 34 pounds of greasy butter on it. After eating the blob of crap, I got really sick. Courtney was feeling pretty sick too … from her greasy blooming onion she ate. I ate some blooming onion too, just the combination of the disgusting grease made us want to die. On the way back, Courtney went to the liquor store and bought some kind of whiskey. We came back and I drank some with coffee. It said that you could mix it with coffee so I did. Later I went over to Todd’s and helped him hang up posters. I thought my sick stomach was gone, but it started to come back. think the combination of things that I had consumed that day was really not happy with my stomach. Todd brought me home because I felt ill, but as soon as I got back here I felt better. Weird. Then I found out that Courtney’s personal ad had been posted and that she had already gotten 23 messages on Yahoo. Soon afterwards, she discovered what I had done and she tried to kill me. Oh well, she has 23 potential boyfriends now. She will have to settle for that since I had to remove the ad.

Unfortunately I never got a screenshot of the ad, but this is the picture I put up for her. I’m afraid she was unusually hotter than usual in that picture. Hey … I was just tryin’ to help her out! Plus, she cut off all of my hair. You can see in the previous picture that it is slowly growing out, but I’m still pissed.

Today, I cleaned cleaned & cleaned and hung out with Todd. He made apple pie which, of course I helped myself to. I have been eating a lot of good food lately, but I don’t think I will worry about gaining any weight from it since all of my clothes are falling off of me anyways. I have some room to expand, but I don’t really plan on it. We have no cable. We have had no cable for 2 days. I called the cable company today … the cable was turned off. Now the whole not having cable thing makes sense. I was rather pissed off about it, feel that it was rather rude for someone to shut our cable off. Oh well, we are getting cable again on Thursday and will have more channels. Woo hoo, I am going to listen to some music now. Bye

Yesterday I went to the Arts Festival with Julie and Nate. I spent $400 on food, but it was pretty good. I got some pierogies, pizza, and Krispy Kremes. I have not eaten any of my Krispy Kremes yet … Courtney will eat them all before I have a chance … that’s ok though, I tasted one so that is all that counts. When I returned from the Arts Festival, I sat in my room for a while. Courtney informed me that Brian and Eric were coming to visit exactly 3 seconds before they got here. I like to shop at the Gap. Um anyways … we played Clue — The Great Museum Caper and Quick Wit. They drank wine and I drank coffee. Then I ran out of coffee, so I drank some wine. Maybe my state of drunkenness was due to a combination of caffeine and alcohol. I always thought the two would just cancel each other out, but I remember that my friends at IUP always used to pop Vivarin’s before drinking. I never did though … and I never really understood why. Whatever. The lads left around midnight, and then Todd came over and we hung out. We went to Crossroads at 4am to buy orange sherbet ….. and yumm it was good! Today started out as a really wonderful day, but as it progressed I became yucky and I didn’t feel very good. I took a shower and then I fell asleep. I woke up and my hair was dried to my head in an interesting position. Courtney and I bought groceries, and she made a tasty ice-cream treat that I was unable to eat because it was the size of a small cat. I was also talking to Todd at the time, and his story about smelly garbage killed the mood for food. However, I was filled with joy when a cute boy serenaded me with songs all about me. I’m cool, Yay Awe, whoo hoo!!! Julie, Courtney, and I sat in the dining room and talked about things such as bananas, boob condoms, and poop logs. Courtney did not enjoy our sex conversations even though we were just being stupid and making up crazy stories about things that would never happen. Courtney went to bed, and Julie and I tried to find Courtney a boyfriend. For some reason Julie’s mom was calling at 3am, and then at 5am Julie and I stood in the hallway, and made our phones ring n’sync. With our phones in one hand, and meowing/barking animal puppets on our other hand, we were causing quite a raucous in the hall and managed to wake Courtney up. It was fun though. I had a pretty good day and I don’t think I am going to get sick anymore, I just have emphysema.

I’m Ilosja, Eye-M me!

Thursday, June 13 2002

Another recap of events, I’m sure you couldn’t be more excited! Courtney just put my head on Britney Spears body and I look pretty damn sexy as Britney Spears.

I’m drinking coffee right now, so chances that I will fall asleep before 6am are pretty slim. Well, since today is the least vague memory that I have, lets recap today. So I woke and I was hot. Once again, my sheets were crumpled up in a ball and I was sticking to my mattress. I must toss and turn a lot in my sleep. I gathered some envelopes and decided to mail my dad’s father’s day card, a bunch of checks that I need deposited into my checking account, and some fun bills. I walked downstairs and decided to check our mail before heading off. I’m sure glad that I did because I discovered at nice check for $211 dollars all for ME! My landlord in Indiana finally sent my security deposit to me, which couldn’t have come at a better time … I was planning on selling my body to science to pay my rent. So, I added my check to the depository envelope, and I headed out into the great wide open. I went to Crossroads to get some $$ for bills, then I went to CVS because I was bored. I bought some gifts for my dying boyfriend, I hope that they cheer him up. I cannot disclose any more information regarding the gifts because I have not given them to him yet. Wow! I just choked on my coffee and spit some onto my monitor because I am laughing so hard. Courtney just sent me her masterpiece. I think I look much better on Britney even though it is apparent that Courtney spent much more time on herself … mine looks more fake.



Anyways …. lets continue. So I came back to the apartment and hung out. I tended to my flourishing tomato plant and I put a wooden fork in the pot to use as a stick because he is getting to be a big boy and needs support.

Then I became hungry and decided to cook some food for Courtney and me since she was going to be home from work, and I knew that if I was cooking food just for myself, she would make the sad food face. Later, I talked to Todd for a while on the phone and I feel really sad because he is very sick. That brings us up to the present, and I am sitting here. Woah …. I just found a time machine sitting in our living room!!

Entering time machine …. set date: July 28, 1990
set location: 1204 4th Ave
set Event: My 9th Birthday

I am wearing a pink and black polka-dotted skirt ensemble, and I am sad because it is my birthday party and nobody came.

ME: Mommy, why isn’t anyone at my birthday party?
Mommy: Because you are a big dork sweetie. Why don’t you call Julie and ask her if she would like to come to your party?
ME: OK “Ring Ring”
Julie’s mom: Hello
ME: Can Julie come to my birthday party?
Julie’s mom: Sorry Dorkica, Julie went to Sea-World with her dad because she is cooler than you.
ME: Oh Ok, bye bye
Julie’s mom: click
ME: Mommy, everyone hates me!
Mommy: That’s not true honey? Don’t you have any other friends?
ME: Everyone is mean to me. When I went to West Hills, this girl named Courtney was my pen-pal, but when I came to FC, she did not want to be my friend.
Mommy: Why wouldn’t she want to be your friend?
ME: Because she is one of the cool girls with perms. I don’t have a perm.
Mommy: Do you want to get a perm?
ME: Well it doesn’t matter because I will still be a dork. I have big pink ugly glasses.
Mommy: But they match your dress perfectly!
ME: I hate wearing glasses! (Bursts into tears)
Mommy: It’s ok honey, I will sing you your favorite song!
ME: Ok mommy!
Mommy: “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose …….”

(Curtain closes as I sit on mommy’s llap listening to my favorite song)

Wow! That was a fun trip! Yes, when I was in second grade, I went to West Hills Elementary School. Courtney was my pen-pal …. and I was jealous of her. I remember the letter that she sent me. She said that she had blonde hair and blue eyes, and that she was 8 years old. This made me very jealous because I wanted to have blonde hair and blue eyes, and I was only 7. At the age of 7, I was sure that being 8 was so much cooler. In third grade, I moved to FC and went to school with Courtney. I remember being on the playground with Hollie Radic when she introduced me to my pen-pal Courtney …. and the poodle haired snotty brat turned her pointy nose up at me and wanted to have nothing to do with me. Third grade was a tough year for me …. but I did meet Jaime …. she shared her crayons with me and we were friends ever since. Today she likes to introduce me to people by saying, “This is my friend —– … we have been friends since 3rd grade when I shared my crayons with her!” Courtney didn’t end up becoming my friend for a long time …. actually 9th grade, and I honestly don’t know how we became friends. But it was destined to be, even though she was a bitch to me in 3rd grade. I did get my revenge on her though …. she was a TARGET for being picked on by Julie and I back in the good old days of 1996.

Julie and I have been connected since birth. Our mom’s are cousins, and since we were born 2 days apart, we were the fun family babies. I am told that we played together as infants, but I do not consciously remember that. We were reunited in third grade when I moved to FC. Besides fun family events with missionary twins, we hung out in school too. Julie stopped being my friend in 5th or 6th grade though because she thought I was a dork. However, in 7th grade, we got ourselves in trouble a lot in Mr. Gould’s science class. We got in trouble for talking, then Julie tried to kill Katie Ortmann with a pencil, and we always stole Germiamy’s trapper keeper. Julie made comic strips about me being mauled by a dog and having a stumpy arm, and we shared memories such as the “Obsidian Cow”. We didn’t become really good friends until about 9th grade, when she invited me to come stay the weekend at her dad’s girlfriend’s house. We had a fun weekend eating chicken spaghetti, rummaging through Jenny’s son’s stuff, playing Bubble Bobble, and writing poems. I think that was the weekend I composed my famous line: “You are the fuzz on my peach, without you I am merely a nectarine”. After that weekend, Julie and I became rollerblading rock-stars and comic-strip queens. We have been friends ever since.

Time: Present

Ok, I’m back …. so do you want to hear about recent events? OK! So where was I? Oh yeah, I finished talking about today, then I went back to 1990. waahdafuck? Well I didn’t do anything productive yesterday during the day …. I met Todd at work around 6, we went to Office Max and I wanted to purchase the store, put it on wheels, find a nice chunk of land and live in it. I didn’t though. We also went to Wal-mart and then we ate at Quaker Steak and Lube … never ate there before, food is good, yummy yay! Then we went to his apartment and I made a Father’s day card for my dad and Todd organized his music. Then we sat outside and talked about bra sizes. I came home, insomnia is back …. I stayed up half the night organizing stuff and paying bills. I also did some stuff to get my button biz back in order. I finally fell asleep …. then I got up today. This is not very organized. If you missed what I did today, scroll back up to the very top.

Ok, lets go back to the beginning of time now. On Sunday, I went home for a few days. It was nice to be home and I did absolutely nothing, it was great. I had to see my bedroom and it made me cry. My puzzles are gone, my room is bare, and there is new paint on the walls. After being home for 2 minutes, the radar monkey’s found me and we went to Wal-Mart. I bought a new phone that is just completely awesome. Then I slept in my room with paint fumes. I woke up and did nothing all day. I ate good food and hung out with my brother even though he slept all day, so I kicked him to try to make him wake up. Radar monkey Jr. found me around 10:30PM, and I was really mad because Todd said he was going to come visit me, and I really didn’t need Steve there. He had been calling me all day and knew I was home because he had offered to pick me up on Sunday, so he could find out where he had to take his boards at in Pittsburgh. He ended up not picking me up, but knew that I was planning on coming home anyways. Is there something about me that just spells out “LOSER” on my face? Nobody ever calls me and ASKS me if I want to do something. They just assume that I am their back-up and that I am always just there. Maybe that is why I get so frustrated with guys and friends in general. I’m not a pushover, am I? I just try to be nice, but I always end up being the one that people rely on and expect things from. Anyways, Steve refused when I politely asked him to leave because he said that he wanted to meet Todd. I felt just horrible the whole night, but luckily Todd was very cool about it. Thank You.

I came back to Pittsburgh on Tuesday afternoon …. I can’t remember what I did when I got back. Oh yeah, Julie had fun-night at the apartment with her dad and sister, and Todd came over and we watched “Where the Heart Is”. It was really funny and cute and good. I liked the movie a lot and recommend it to anyone who is up for a GREAT movie. I actually might add it to my list of favorite movies.

I hope I haven’t left out anything pertinent, but I think that is enough for now.

Goodbye